How can I survive in this economy?

I am a 38 year old mother of three older kids. I am so seriously in a rut that I am afraid I'll never get out. I have had to move into a one bedroom apartment after losong my job 8 months ago. I have a new job, but not near as good, and I can barely make ends meet. I am, of course, still looking for a second (or better paying) job. I cant afford anything for my kids, and the holidays are here. I am so depressed that I just want to cry all the time. I do not have a family to turn to for help, nor do I feel that it would be appropriate at my age.

What is a way out of this? I don't feel that things will ever get better, my kids will ever get bedrooms, or that I am fostering pleasant memories for my kids the way things are. I dont know how people can afford the things they do for their kids! IPhones, vacations, video game units, televisions, fancy clothing, the list goes on. I feel like a schmuck never being able to say yes to my kids. My oldest wants some help with college, and I have to do it, even if I have to pay my rent late.

Where did I go wrong? How do you people make the wages to afford your kid's wants? What can I do to pull myself up to at least where I was before? We were never well-to-do, but at least there was a home and a luxury once and a while....
Additional Details
Thank you everyone for your great suggestions and words of encouragement. Thank you, thank you!

First, the fact that you are pro-active and asking for answers is a great trait. Knowing there are answers and having the courage to share w/ strangers takes a lot of guts.

Second, a job will never be secure. I know you need to eat, and keep a roof over your head, but if your children show any type of entrepreneurial tendencies or desire to earn money, there are literally thousands of ways to do it for both yourself and your kids.

A job is a stop gap for now. Real security is knowing you can create income for yourself without an employer. Start taking stock of your skills, interests, hobbies and explore ways you can turn them into income.

Get a used copy or go to the library and get a copy of "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. I've been reading pers. dev. books since high school (I'm 41), but this one is the most widely applicable, so start here.

The most important aspect of getting past this challenge and modeling for your kids, is to keep your head right. By that I mean positive, problem solving, striving.

Yes, it's challenging, yes it's scary, yes it takes mental effort to keep your head right with all the negative messges out there. BUT, we become what we think about.

To get out of this rut- Ask What do I Want? in relationships, financial matters, personal possessions, for my kids, etc. Asking that question will train your brain to find the answers. We truly do become what we think about.

A few quick examples so you know you are not alone. Shared experience helps make us stronger knowing someone else is going through challenging times as well and if they can get through, so can you.

I've had many brushes with death during my career as a deep sea diver and every day above ground is a good day for me. But, I had a business in the early 90's that went under, I lost everything, and I lived in my office for 6 mos.

My wife and I had a successful multi-million dollar real estate bus. wiped out by hurricane Katrina. We rebuilt in a new city into one of the worst real estate markets in 70 yrs.

We had a bank try to go after us for a $600k deficiency judgement on a condo project in New Orleans, after paying over $200,000 in interest payments on vacant properties while insurance companies dragged their feet for 2yrs before paying all the claims on properties that were underwater for 3 weeks.

I paid the bank on vacant projects, because it was the "right" thing to do before thinking about my family first.

I sent workers from Baltimore to New Orleans to finish vacant projects only to watch our properties sit on the market for months in a city that is decaying and corrupt, and their economy collapsing (this was before the real estate crisis)

The end result was the same and now we have to file suit against the bank for a fraudulent sale.

I had to re-invent myself just to survive after being in real estate for 10 yrs. We're still in the bus. but have worked the last year for FREE just to pay back the lenders.

The pressure is intense and the economy is going to get worse before it gets better. But, this can be a defining moment for you and your children. Our true character is tested when times are tough.

Focus on what you do have (3 wonderful children, a roof over your head, all your limbs, ability to generate income) and decide what it is that you want. The goal and the desire to get there will pull you through the challenging times.

By the way I have a 20mo old daughter so I fully understand the incredible challenge of not only raising one child but 3 as a single mother.

One of the great lessons this holiday season is to teach your kids it's not about the possessions. The pressure of peers is tough and it's cultivated by our "must have more, better, bigger, to feel better" by advertisers.

This is why it's so important to keep your head right and keep out the negative daily bombardment of messages. Your kids will learn from you. Take the focus off what they want, and look at how you can serve others this holiday season.

Taking the focus off yourself and how you can serve others instead of worrying about buying an IPhone (I'm a business owner and don't need one of those to run my business) can be very transformational for you and your children.

You have an incredible challenge raising 3 children but this crisis could be one of the best things that has happened to all of you in getting your head in the right place to face future challenges down the road.

Have a wonderful holiday, remember the true spirit and enjoy every minute with your children. I'd be glad to share more, just ask.

I am 38 and I just decided not to have kids when I was married because I felt that I could not afford to support myself, much less kids.

I am now divorced and it is still hard enough just to support myself.

Everything is very costly and just paying for day to day expenses like food is enough to cause me to use credit cards and I am just a single person in a big city where things are expensive.

So, I sympathize. I have a full time and a part time job just to support ME.

A lot of the people buying all those things are dual earner families that make a lot of money.

There should be financial aid for your child to get so that you don't have to risk not paying rent to send them to college.

You did not do anything wrong, but it is getting harder to make ends meet due to the high cost of groceries etc.

A lot of us have been in your shoes at one time or another, the best thing to do is never give up and never look down, always look ahead because you are a very important person, especially to your kids. the way out is to relax and enjoy being with your kids, once the holidays pass, it won't be so depressing. You haven't gone wrong anywhere, your just raising 3 kids, I know well what that is like.

The way I'm surviving the economy, don't drive, stay home, cut the budget, and believe me, it can be cut, even with food, there are ways of doing things, like cooking with fresh foods, or cleaning with concentrated cleaning supplies to save money. Remember don't give up, you are very strong and your kids need you to be strong. Just pray!

I understand were your coming from my wife and I went through bankrupcy and lost everything after I was layed off from my job.
We do have three kids and it was a struggle even having two incomes
can't imagine what its like for you.You have done nothing wrong keep
your head up and don't give up!!! My wife found a website that she has
been able to more than replace her income with and now is a stay at home mother.We won't get rich but sure has benifited us.It may serve you well for a second income. Wish the best! Good Luck
http://tinyurl.com/6ak2v3

people will be harsh about this , but simply put you are in a rut , which will not change unless something changes , you are looking after your kids , and they will apprecieate the hardship you endured for their welfare , keep your chin up , and dont give up!

I want to thank you and congradulate you, you're not a smuck. Your oldest wants to go to college, your kids are going to succeed. You've done the important thing, help your children.
Go to the library and get a Barbara Sher book. You need a good job, and she's the best career counselor you'll find.

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