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lisa p | HELP! it's about my pain in the *** daughter.? |
My daughter is 20 she has been a total handful since she was 13. She has stolen from me and others, lied, runaway from me, from her dad, etc. she turned 6mo. of probation into 5yrs., she set my home on fire because she was mad, she was sent to the girls school, the attention home, the correction facility, she's been in jail, she's stole gas, money, food, checkbook, she got off probation for 1 yr. left town ended up in Utah where she did meth, spent 5mo. in jail for meth. She got extrodited back home for forgery charges. Now she's back on probation for forgery and drug charges. She lost her job about 2mo. ago told her therapist she had murderous thoughts towards me ended up taking just enough drugs to make herself sick not kill herself so now she's in the state mental hospital. She's been there 3 weeks, she should graduate like the 1st wk of May and she's 400 miles away. She asked me tonight if I would come to her graduation. I'm just exhausted. Should I go? It will cost a lot in gas.
Additional Details
More in4mation.My daughter told me she began acting up because I wanted to remarry.She said she thought if she was bad enough my fiance wood run.Well we've been married for 6yrs and she actually has a better relationship with him than me.Her & I fight bad.Her dad died last Aug. he was a drunk & verbally abusive.She picked up his verbal abusivness and uses it against me.I luv my daughter w/all my heart.I'm just tired of giving and giving. I still have an open door policy.People that know her say she is just a spoied rotten kid.She was given everything by her dad (gifts,$,etc).I went 2 court 4 times and lost custody of her to my ex's 2nd ex-wife that nver had kids of her own.I'm ex #3.I fought hard 4 her but because she was old enough and wanted 2 the judge ordered it.Go figure.Then she stole that womens checkbook and wrote $2000.00 in hot checks.Go figure. |
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troutfishin
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I would first talk with the professionals that are taking care of her. If they feel good that she is on the right track and is not a game player anymore. Then I would contact her and feel for myself. (the one thing I do know about Mom is that she can read me like a book) If I feel comfortable that she has recognized that she has an illness and needs psychotherapy, medication and she is willing to go to a halfway house to adjust her new life...Then yes i would buy the gas and go to her new life graduation.... |
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crazyat26
 |
That is really up to you. If you love your daughter then yes, show up.
She does have a lot of issue though and might need family that cares. |
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Nunitak
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One thing you need to do is to find out what the problems are from the hospital professionals' point of view and what the prognosis and/or program of therapy is.
No problem can be fixed until one determines exactly what it is.
It sound like no self-discipline, no self-control, no self-respect, no self-responsibility.
I would ask along with the other answerer. How did this happen?
No father figure? No love? Drinking or alcoholic environment?
She is so far gone, many possible useful institutions will reject her, including the military.
Where will she go when she comes out?
This sounds like further inevitable tragedy without a plan of some kind, not enough time to really change behavior in the hospital, but they may help plot a course of action.
Does not sound like she finished high school. That is certainly a priority, as is some basic spiritual therapy.
I do not know what else to say. Maybe a lady who has recovered from similar can help.
If YOU try my website, perhaps it may help you understand some possible way to help her spiritually:
http://spaces.msn.com/up-escalator/feed.rss
but that is only one aspect, albeit a powerful one.
You need to find some other place for her, your efforts did not work in the past. Can you both work on this together?
These are the things to think about. |
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maricolley
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Wow. Tough question. I'm 22, and considered a "pain in the a*s" by my ma, though I've never done half those things. What does she hold against you so bad that she feels she needs to act out? It sounds like the classic scenerio where someone's gone all day, so their dog poops in their shoes. The dog did it because it was mad for being neglected, but goes poo in their shoes everytime it's lonely. Not just when its owner's gone. The only attention it gets is when it's yelled at, so it thinks pooping in the shoes is the only way to get recognition.
This next thought sounds as if I'm trying to simplify something complicated: Meth makes people go crazy, I have seen it happen slowly before my own eyes. That's the only thing I can come up with in regards to her actions after starting meth. It's an ugly drug with ulglier results.
I'm sorry if this isn't helpful. It just sounds so painful, I just thought I'd put in 2 cents from someone her age. |
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justin
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It's your decision. From your description this girl is seriously mentally ill. I'm not sure how much more emotional investment she is worth. But like I said you have to decide. |
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Blondeheiress
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Absolutely NO! She has only been there 3 weeks, and she has had murderous thought towards you. Unfortunately your daughter is mentally ill and an addict. At this stage in life, 20 and yours you need to part ways. Tough love, is the only way, she has done enough destruction to you. Gosh you make me sad to know that life can be so cruel! Even your question is dis functional when you say, your pain in the *** daughter. Take blame yes, but enable no! |
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hpyhomemaker
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I think going to her graduation and the amount of gas it will cost should be the least of your concerns. Something has happened in your daughters past to cause her to behave in such a manner. She needs help. Serious help. Someone that can help her get to the bottom of her hurt and help her to see that this self-destructive behavior has got to stop. I'm going to make a guess that she was raised in a broken home and possibly sexually abused somewhere along the line. Please get her to get help! Praying for her and for you. |
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emanon
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Not much you can do.. She is of legal age to do whatever she pleases.. Sorry that she has been in that much trouble.. but have you stopped to think.. What have I done wrong?
Yes go! |
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Lady J
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It really is a tough one... you're her Mother & no matter what she's done, you will always be her Mother. The support you can give her, no one else can!! But on the other hand, from my experience with friends that have been on meth., there's nothing that you can do that would ever make a difference!
A friend of mine is a meth addict... he had a perfect marriage, a perfect child, a perfect job, and he ruined it... now he has nothing!! And no matter what any of us does, we can't make him see that he's ruined his life & we can't talk any sense in to him. There is no sense of right & wrong anymore, that part of the brain is gone!
You need to make a decision that you can live with - don't let her take advantage of you anymore, you need to have the upper hand in this, but you also need to know that you tried!
My heart really goes out to you!!! I can't imagine what it must be like to be in this kind of situation with your daughter... a friend is easier to write off - it still hurts, trust me, but not as much as the pain that you must be going through!
Good luck to you!!! My thoughts are with you... |
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mozzy
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yes because it shows her that you care |
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Eye of Sauron
 |
You might think about going, but limit yourself to any additional contact. Make her prove herself to you. Make her stand up on her own 2 feet and succeed or fail on her own -- tough love...
I feel really bad for you, it has to be heartbreaking! Hang in there and good luck! |
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sweetyhon
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just always remember that the lady is your daughter and not just your neighbor or a friend even if she hurts you, she is still your daughter. be there because she needs you. why won't you give her a chance, she needs your presence tonight and your sweet hug and kisses might awakes her. as a mother, shower her with your love and attention. let her feel that she is worthy, valuable and a very important person for you. spending a plenty of gas doesn't matter especially if it is for your someone special. be a responsible mother. good luck |
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anut4u77
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I'm sorry and I really hate to say this, but there is a point in time that you have to let go. As a parent you are only required to raise your child the best you can (until they are 18). You don't have to be there anymore. I know people will disagree with me, but you don't need that drama.
It is sad, and hurts me to read your story, but it sounds like you've had enough. |
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baby_10_girl_13
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You have to be there. I know there is a limit to what a mother can take, but you have to prove to her that your love is unconditional. Hopefully it will all pay off in the end. Good Luck!!!! |
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beaver cleaver
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Yes....you should go. It may be the turning point in her life that you've been waiting for all these years. After all, she's still ur daughter. |
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