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şιlvэя άпđ ĉðłď♥ | How can I make my mom less controlling? |
My mom tries to control absolutely everything I do. She doesn't let me go anywhere, she doesn't let me do anything, call anyone without her knowing 100% of the conversation, nor does she even seem to care that she's being unfair. She does this to me and me alone, yet lets my older brother do whatever. The only thing I've done to break her trust is "sneaking" out of church. We told everyone where we were going, so I don't see how that can be sneaking out. She hasn't let this go YET and it happened on December 8th of 2005. She hit me several times the week before beacause I got an "attitude" with my dad. She tried to take me out of school for both of those things. I don't even feel loved by her, nor do I feel like I can love her or anyone else, because obviously no one really wants to protect me. I feel like the entire world hates me with every ounce of its being. And please, don't tell me to go to the school counsellor. She gets on my nerves. I feel like throwing something at someone...
Additional Details
I think that another problem is that she refuses to hear me out even when I have a worthy complaint. She only does this to ME. Not my brothers or anyone else. I didn't intend to disrespect my dad, it's just the way he took it all... I also have a short temper and it seems that every time she is in a bad mood, she seems to push buttons by telling me a LONG list of things I need to do, complaining about something, or pulling me into whatever it is she's in. |
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bulukang
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Clam down. Ur mom is forever ur mom. I bet she really loves u. but she doesnt know how to love. |
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instant_karma
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I can only assume you're pretty young...like the first person said, I'm sure she cares, probably doesn't know how to show it! It seems a lot of people have problems with showing love and responding in the way we WANT them to! Listen, I grew up with my grandmother because I lost my mom when I was 9 and my dad was a d*ckhead! It hurt like hell to not have the love I wanted, to not be able to do the things I wanted! Now, at 34, I am a little more understanding...it still sux and this won't take that feeling away but, look at yourself too and see how YOU can contribute to helping the situation with your mom...be more reliable, respectable...don't disrespect your dad. It will get better even if it doesn't seem that way now! Don't throw anything, just write or do something positive! I wish you much success with life!!!!! |
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♥tesha♥
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well, i think your mom is just tooo overprotective of you, she loves you but she doesnt how to do it right. |
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shadowatdustcatcher
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Hide the remote? Welcome to the real world. You have know your mom your whole life. Do you really want advise from this charming group? Cornelle has a web page called ASK EZRA. Your question gets read by professionals, and there is no way to tell if you are a real student or faculty member. That is free advice from someone qualified. |
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Outré
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Well, I'm part of the world and I don't hate you. I don't know you.
You don't mention how old you are and where you went when you snuck out of church.
I don't agree with her hitting you. And you should talk to the counselor about it, even if she makes you crazy. Tell her that she annoys you - but tell her why. You younger people sometimes don't realize that you are guilty of exactly the thing you are complaining about. You were judged and hate it, yet you are judging your counselor. Why haven't you let rit go yet that she's a little annoying?
Anyways, it might help to get someone to mediate a discussion between you and your mom. It's not good that you don't feel loved and it's not good that she's hitting you.
If you do happen to be in that place where you can't trust your parents to protect you then you need to educate yourself on how to protect yourself. You have the Internet - use it.
After all, someday you will be on your own and you will need to know how to protect yourself so you don't get involved in crazy stuff thinking someone else will look out for you.
It's a nutty world out there when you don't know what's up. Sometimes I wish I could go back and undo, or redo things so they turned out better, or at least different. But, there is no going back so I'm stuck with the memories of some stuff I did or got into and I really wish I didn't have those memories.
Take care of yourself and all the luck in the world to you.
:-) |
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Samantha
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girl, your mother loves you.
I used to think my mom didn't when I was growing up, but now that I've grown and I've seen how difficult it is, I appreciate what my mother did to me even though she was strict at times.
Just open your eyes to the lovely things in your life, look around you and thank your Creator for all His blessings.
relax, inhale, exhale and SMILE :) |
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Ready2Go
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I'm so sorry you have to carry such a burden. Your mother is being very controlling. I don't think there is much you can do to change her, though. Many adults think that children exaggerate and that may be why no one has helped you. When you find an adult that does believe you, they may feel like it is none of their business to get involved.
Have you told your mother that you don't feel loved by her? I think the best thing you can do is talk to her. She is your main obstacle and I don't think there is anyway to get around it. You need to face it head on. I don't want you to start a fight with her, just talk to her. If she seems like she is getting upset or angry, end the conversation politely and try again in a day or two. Ask your mom what you can do to earn her trust and try to meet her demands. It may take a lot of work and a lot of time but if you work with her on her terms, you may win in the end. Good luck to you! |
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Jo
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OH MY!! Your Mom sounds like the reincarnation of my Mom!I could type every thing you have,word for word and then some!I'm an adult now with children.I sometimes sit and think about how she treated me,doesn't matter how hard I tried to please her,I could never do anything right!She hit me,she beat me so bad when I was 9 yrs old,I had to stay6 home from school for 2 weeks(a belt buckle across my right eye)Her controling nature didn't stop when I became an adult,it continued on until my 52nd birthday,( 2 1/2 years ago ,as I was leaving her home,she followed after me begging me not to leave.Six months later she sat at the dinner table and cried and told my brother,I still hadn't called her.Early the next morning around 4:05 am she died in her sleep.I realise now that she grew up in a time when life was much different than it is today.She did the best that she knew how to do,for the most part I know now,she loved me and wanted to protect me.I don't think she should have beaten me,but I forgave her.You only have one Mom,you need to have a heart to heart talk with her.Maybe have a 3rd person sit with the two of you.You tell her how you feel and let her do the same.If this isn't possible,sit down and write a letter stating how you feel,take several days to do this then present it to her with a beautiful card telling her how much you love her.As she begins to read the letter(I'd leave the room) let her have time alone to think about it.Most likely she was treated the same way when she was a child!And above all try to remember,when we have children we want whats best for them although the parent and child might have different views on "what's best" remember she has been there in her life and doesn't want you to be hurt in any way!But,she should realize.as a parent sometimes we have to step back and let the child learn and to be there to catch them,when they fall! I wish you the best of luck and I urge you to have the talk with your Mom.I screwed up and didn't realize this until it was too late.Not a day goes by that I don't hear my momma begging me not to go.Not a day goes by that I don't cry and beg her to forgive me for being so self centered. Good Luck in Your Life! |
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sesame
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You can not change your Mom. Only she can change. the only person you can change is you. You can choose to think ,believe and do whatever you want.
If you choose to think that the world hates you then you create that as your reality. Likewise if you choose to feed your mind positive thoughts they become positive actions and you could feel so different in a matter of days or perhaps weeks. You are what you think you are so think great things about you and everybody else and life will improve beyond your wildest dreams.
Mom's have hang ups like most people. I am sure she loves you in the best way she can. You mention church. I am sure if you speak with your minister he/she could give you some help.
Good luck |
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candytrekotv
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well one thing i dont hat you and try to talk to her tell her that your sorry about all the things you do but you need space if she yells at you just say i got my own opions ok ? |
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Queenbee
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You may not want to hear this but, try listening to her. I'm sure she's not just acting she must be talking too. One of you has to take the first step to hear what the other is saying. When you listen to her ask her to pay you the same courtesy and listen to you. Deep down you know she loves you, unfortunately our folks don't always show it the way we would like. The world isn't against you, you know that. Right now you're just angry with your mom and it's because you love her and she should be the world to you. She's just not measuring up right now. Remember, she's human and subject to flaws just like everyone else, including you. Don't be mad, I promise, it will get better.
Peace |
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bamakathy
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I can see your side of this and your mom's. You feel that she's being too strict, and that she is trying to punish you by not letting you do things you want to do. What she's feeling is fear- fear that you will get in trouble or get hurt or make a mistake, and if any of that happened, fear that she would feel responsible because she didn't protect you. Having said that, if you really want her to loosen up the best way is to show her you are trying to be obedient and trustworthy. Be where you say you'll be, don't be secretive, be cooperative at home. If she sees you genuinely acting mature and responsible, she will be more likely to ease up on the reins. As for the hitting, if it gets to be abuse, you have to go to someone. If you don't like the counselor, go to a teacher you trust, or a friend's mom, another relative, your pastor, or someone. No one deserves to be abused for any reason. And if you feel angry, realize that is perfectly normal under the circumstances. You can't change her (you can't change anyone for that matter) but you can change yourself to show her you're holding up your end, and she will feel more like easing up on her's. Good luck! |
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good_times_die
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I am in an opposite situation, first you click on my user ID and answer my question. Than I will give a decent answer for yours. |
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