Zoser
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There is no Guilt , what Guilt? U would feel guilty ,if u continue with her (him) without real desire to be together, do not only look now to the effect of the divorce,, but look further ,,to later, Yes, maybe she is upset , she feel victimized ,, but actually this is the right thing to do ,if people can not live together for any reason (even if the reason does not look fair for one party)..You give urself a chance to find happiness (if u love someone than her, what is better for her (ur wife) ... to live with someone who doesn't love her (and u live with someone u do not love !!) , Or to have a second chance to find a suitable mate for each other..As For children ,it is better for them to be with happy parents , even if they are separated (better then watching them fighting and unhappy ,)I presume u r fair , giving her, her legal and ,what u both think it is her rights , and the complete rights of ur children(financial, Care....etc)and more a little ...One of -ur ex wife -rights, that u become a friend to her, after all, u spent some (even if it is little) good time together,,wish her luck to find a good mate, wish urself luck to have happiness with new mate,work together to have healthy children,,,Good luck |
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howlincoyote
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Why would you feel guilty about it to begin with? Guilt says you did something wrong to end the marriage? Or are you saying that you feel guilty just for divorcing,period? If you are consider this to help you through it maybe. Would you want your daughter to remain married or divorce a man who is beating her? How can she feel guilty or why should she feel guilty for leaving an abusive relationship. Put it into perspective, why would you wish to be unhappy and feel unloved for your whole life? If, and I have seen those that do stay together even though so unhappy it wafts off of them, that they are bitter and all. Which is the best way to live. Would you want your children to see you as an unhappy, unloved person or would you rather they see you as someone who stood up for her/his right to be happy and loved?
It takes time to get over a divorce, it is a death in a way. Grieve and then get on with life. Good Luck and take care |
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Patience
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I never really felt any guilt. I realized the marriage had ended long ago for several reasons. Trying to figure out who's to blame is irrelevant. I needed to let go not just for myself and my son, but to let my ex get on with his life. |
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DramaGuy
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Neither of you are the same people who were married. |
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BubbaGump
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The only thing that really helps is time and perspective. If you are guilty about something, you should confront it, deal with it and move past it. It is healthy to feel guilty, but not healthy to suffer.
If you can accept what you are feeling guilty about and understand it, you can move past it in time. However, if you refuse to own up to your role, you will continue to deny it and feel guilty about it for much longer, or harden. You can't make time move any quicker, so just own it and deal with it.
It's kind of like a grieving process. I've heard some folks say that they wish their spouse had died in a way as it would make living with it more bearable. Sounds harsh, but I understand it. |
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kldavis1013
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Time heals all wounds.
Just make sure that everything you need to say to them is said and when it's final, treat yourself somehow.
It's been nearly 4 yrs for me and I still occasionally feel the twang of guilt, but it's less and less each day. |
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margaretswett@sbcglobal.net
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It takes time, lots of it. I was single for 9 years, and I didn't initiate it. |
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nkiblueeyes
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time, space, admitting fault to the other person, accepting that it is over, moving on, making the best of a bad situation. |
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JohnnyBravo
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You must move on with life. The past is gone, don't keep reliving it. |
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kellijo
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I had alot of guilt. My ex was a drunken mess after I left him. I might add that we lived very nicely. We had the ranch, cattle, horses, machinery and alot of vehicles. I felt so much guilt that I took nothing but, the kids. I didn't even take so much as a fork. Well, PLEASE don't make the mistake and do what I did. I became ill 2 months after the divorce was final. This was a serious illness that left me penniless. I had to get on SSI and that took almost 2 years. While I struggled to put a meal on the table, he went and got re married in Vegas, bought her and him new matching vehicles, and never gave me a cent. |
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Kiss my Putt!
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chalk it up as a learning experience....with me, it wasn't so much feeling guilty about the divorce [the divorce HAD to happen!] so much as the making the awful choice of marrying him for the wrong reason in the first place. |
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curnack_the_drow
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there is no fault,it was something that was not ment to be so it is not anymore,so I say just move on and dont worry about it. |
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felixwillasarizona
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you dont its your fault marryium |
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kubbyp
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Don't worry about the past. Move on to the future. Try by starting to go out with friends for dinner, movies etc. It is a matter of learning how to cope with your new life and creating a new way of doing things for yourself. |
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quisamm
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Not "JUST move on" but you have to find another relationship, a true and meaningful relationship, in order to totally get over it. |
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