If you were a ghost, who would you haunt?

Who wouldn't concern me nearly as much as where. Any "who" I'd like to see in the hereafter would be just family and dear friends, just to quietly check up on them, but I wouldn't haunt them. Haunt sounds so traumatic.

"Where" sounds a lot more fun. Like places I never got to go alive but now can go dead, because I have a lot more free time and it doesn't cost me any vacation days. Maybe float on over to the Great Wall in China. Float down to the Great Barrier Reef. Like all the way down. What do I care about SCUBA gear now, I'm dead and can see all the fish I want w/o the inconvenience of worrying about how much air is in my tank. Once anyone I knew on earth had long passed on, maybe I'd go to the moon and Mars to see pieces of leftover spacecraft. Again, I don't need air so I could hang out a while. Maybe drift and check out life on other planet in a different solar system, pick up a copy of the closest thing I can find that looks like a newspaper, put it in the closest thing I can find that looks like a ziploc baggie and take the whole mess back to Earth just to mess with people's heads.

Hmm. More frivolous "where".. I'd like to haunt a Taco Bell drive through at least once. Start placing orders in the drive-thru speaker when no one was there. Overnight one night look at the bins of sauce packets with the sayings on the front, and I'd take all of them and rearrange them on the counter to spell out ELVIS WAS HERE. Maybe do that a few weeks in a row on the same night each week and hope some worker comes in trying to catch the person doing it. At which point I'd have to place an order thru the drive-through again. Except I'd talk in an Elvis voice and ask for a peanut-butter-and-nanner sandwich.

I'd like to haunt Venice and push over all the gondolas one by one.

I'd like to haunt all of Canada and annoy the French by scribbling out all the bilingual stuff on signs and leaving only the English.

I'd like to haunt all the schools in England and see what their political spin is on the U.S.'s Revolutionary War. And sit in a class one day and every time the teacher explains the war using the word "England" or "Britian" or otherwise refers to the redcoats in any way, I'd whisper loudly "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSERRS." And then "Nanny nanny boo boo" occasionally.

I'd like to go to the pyramids of Egypt with a bunch of chalk and write new things on the walls in some hieroglyphic alphabet I just made up. Then I'd go inside some undiscovered, unopened mummy's tomb and take a few pieces of bandages to arrange on the floor, and spell out in English, SAVE FERRIS.

I'd like to haunt ballot boxes or voting machines in a politcal election that had candidates I didn't believe in, and change all the votes to a write-in candidate of my choice.

I'd find some deserving soul, wander in their house and take up residence under a lampshade. And when they finally turned on the light, I'd appear and tell them I'm the genie in their lamp and that they have two wishes. When they ask for three I'll tell them they're greedy, act ticked off and then leave.

I'd haunt a credit bureau and periodically just randomly erase bad credit histories.

I'd haunt a license branch and periodically just add random restrictions to people's licenses.

I'd haunt a Starbucks and covertly adjust the scribbles on the cups as they get passed between the cashier and the coffee maker.

I'd haunt a bar and secretly switch around the contents of various types of liquor so that they had no idea what they were mixing up anymore just by looking at the bottle.

I'd haunt a bank's central computer and one night I'd multiply everyone's current deposit-account balances by 100.

I'd haunt a small town's water-supply aquifer and one day I'd add a harmless red-colored, cherry-flavored additive to the whole system so that everyone's laundry would turn pink and all the tap water would be like cherry kool-aid.

Then I'd haunt some poor jerk's butter tub and every time he opens it I'd say "Par-Kay".