What would you find in a knight's shopping cart?

what would he buy at your local grocery store or wal mart? why? would you let him ahead of you in line?

ps::: and would he pay cash or credit?
Additional Details
what's the matter, mac? didn't yahoo tell you were the guest of honor? nooo.. EXTEND ANSWER TIME!

Oh my....A knight would certainly be stocking up on oil to clean his armor, carrots for his horse and socks..always have to have clean socks.

Now his most important purchase would be flowers for the ladies he will rescue today.

He will pay in gold coins and I would stay in front of him, that way I could talk to him longer and take in the sounds and smells of a chivalrous man.
Like I said already.....Oh my!

LMAO

***Update: I just have to say: You people are awesome! And hilarious, too! I've no earthly idea to whom you're all referring, of course, but he sounds a complex sort of chap... it's not our Patz traveling incognito, is it? Nay, armour would rust in the hip-deep snow he has to trudge through on a daily basis... must be someone else... hmmm...

Smarty-Marti: I haven't put anyone in stocks in at least 6 hours -- at least!

Marianne: Thank you for giving me credit (for what, however, I'm sure I don't know).

sagebella: Are you staring at my bum? Are you? Cheeky monkey!

threeicys: Have you any idea how much fresh flowers cost these days? And why am I supposed to buy anything for damsels I've just busted my bum rescuing? Um, you're right about the socks but my horse prefers apples.

blondegyrl04: Playboy magazines? Thank you very much but I've gone through that phase... (Oh Patz, I'll be needing that copy of the SI Swimsuit issue I lent you, thanks.)

hope_help: You're not a peasant... and I'm sorry about your Aunt Pearl... How was I to know?

herding_cats: I did love that shopping list (and the associated memories that came flooding back; have you ever tried explaining Pocari Sweat to anyone over here? lmao) and I'd have to give you the prize if not just for this: "And if he asks you any questions, he's not referring to his own life."

Cheers to you all! =)

***Update II:

zen: Thank you for the well wishes, zen. You're very sweet. *cough* OK, I'm not 100% or even close but I'm trying... I actually don't pay cash or credit; I use my debit card... Of course I'd let you in front of me at the checkout line. Criminy, it's not as if I have a reputation for knocking elderly women out of my way. I mean, honestly... Pocari Sweat is actually pretty refreshing. It's kind of the Japanese equivalent to Propel, minus the fruit flavour. It's bottled water fortified with vitamins, minerals and electrolytes, and during a long, hot, humid Japanese summer (particularly if you're in my favourite Japanese city, Kyoto), you are really going to want to drink this stuff -- often.

1st time mamma: Wow! That list took a lot of thought and attention (far more than I deserved), so thank you for that... Now to clean it up a tad... Nice job on the tea, though I actually prefer Ceylon Breakfast right now. I'd not touch goose liver nor legs (nor veal). Erm, what is up with the larded dead animals? Erm, no thanks. Oh, and no on coffee. I'll not have it in the house (I've transformed my friends into tea drinkers).... Lovely selections from the liquor store (though we'll need to toss in some British ales and, for my Japanese friends, Sapporo). Well done! ... erm, you lost me on the bit about working 40 days a year and getting a free castle (I am NOT a bleeding royal, damn thee!)... 'King Kong' reeked to the high heavens and I detest kings and all their infernal royal trappings, damn thee twice! I serve NO man! My Queen, well, that is another matter entirely (and no, I don't mean that frumpy woman in residence at Windsor)... Oh, and I never -- as in never -- take a seat in a public restroom, thank you very much! *shudders* ... Erm, I eat bacon not... it was actually my dirk that I tossed at the Target logo (dead center, btw) and the "arrest" was shortlived as certain limbs on certain law enforement types were expertly amputated by my two-handed sword... Aside from those minor inaccuracies, and in consideration of your having been craving sleep at the time, that was exceedingly well done, m'lady! *bows formally*

Thank you all, again... Erm, Patz? Will you please resolve this question now?! Ta very much. ;)

Okay, it's real late but I'll give this last one a try...

At the grocerty store the Knight bought:
English Breakfast Tea
Goose Liver
Rye Loaf
Cabbage stewed in Red Wine
Sage
Mushrooms
Rosemary
Poppy Seeds
Goose Legs
pheasant soup
Larded Sucking Pig Legs
Chicken Legs
Grape Juice
Mashed Lentils
Larded Turkey Legs
Squash Studel
Dried Fruits
Mineral & Spring Water
Cheese
Breadcrumbs
Mixed Fresh Veggies
Coffee

MacSteed would have to stop at the liquor store for some Pilsner Urquell, Plum Brandy, Dreher Pils cans of beer, Soproni Cabernet Sauvignon & Carbernet Franc.

The Knight's mind wandered as he shopped. MacSteed didn't understand why he wouldn't have to train or serve as a Page or Squire for the Knights of Columbus. He also wondered why WE all didn't bathe at dawn, have to work more than only 40 days a year & why no one had yet GIVEN him a castle for free.

He stopped into Target (not Walmart- Target b/c he finally thought he found something French).
He bought:
- Armour All Double Cushion Gear Socks (extra padding really helps being in all that uncomfortable heavy armor.)
- ArmorAll Wheel Cleaner thinking this would finally remove the dust that the horse kicks up the easiest way making him look like he just bought a new Armor
- the latest copies of Templar History, Armor Magazine and King Magazine (maybe in this issue he would finally find his wealthy heiress)
-the Princess Food Processor (he needs something to help him make the Venison ragout soup with cream, onion and potato)
- a deck of cards
- Queen's Greatest Hits (he missed his medieval music)
- A DVD of King Kong (he thought it was some new King he never heard of before)
- some Royal Safari III Black/ Red Nylon Typewriter Ribbon

It has been a long day and he had to go to the bathroom. He didn't understand why he was finally allowed to take a seat on the "royal throne" at Target.

On the way out of the store, The Knight felt hunger pangs from all this shopping so before he headed back to his stay at the Knights Inn Hotel, he thought he would stop at Burger King to get something with Bacon on it and then Dairy Queen for some Stawberry Shortcake Ice Cream dessert. But before he could do this, he was arrested for throwing his broadsword into Target's red target. Poor guy, he was only practicing.

(P. S. He could definitely get in front of me in line, in fact, I would go to the line farthest away from him. He'd pay credit & charge it to his supposive ally, King Henry V's Castle account {the first case of credit card fraud!} or if they questioned him, he would pay with the cash he made from the stock he owns at Armor Holdings.)

I know this needs some brushing up, changing around and re- wording, a little resear maybe even an interview granted by MacSteed, but I'm so tired and must go to bed. Thanks for the laugh!!!

Signing off... Good Night!

EDIT: MacSteed- Knights only had to work approx. 40 days per year (even if it was just guarding a castle). As a reward for job well done, they were sometimes even GIVEN castles by the Kings to live in with their new bride.
The larded dead animals were foods at the time, not a dig on you.

He'd better stay away from dairy, I don't care how much he feels for the Danish's plight! He can have that stuff again once he's feeling better.
I'd let him in front of me so I could check out his rear in that suit of armor! Um-hum! (gee I do crack myself up!)

His sword handle has one of those new cool Paypass things embedded in it. A knight must be ready to go at a moments notice, no time to dig under layers of armor and chain link tunics to find a few farthings. It's swipe and go for him!

Most have those handy squires though, right? Someone to take care of them as they lumber around in that terribly heavy suit. I think all knights should have someone to see to their needs.

What would be in his shopping cart?
Depends if he had a 'sniffle or cough'! I heard in those circumstances they can be quite dangerous and unpredictable! There could be a mixed array of things he'd knocked in his cart whilst sliding around corners of aisles;
dog food, maxi pads, baby diapers, chips, etc. besides his normal purchases motor oil for creating 'oil slicks' for the more spry 'elderly women', their handbags, maybe even dentures or a shoe occasionally that flung from one's mouth or from one's foot in the 'oil slicks'!

Would I let him ahead of me in line? You bet! I'm just a humble peasant and value my 'well being'!

How would he pay? I imagine, what ever was handy in the 'old womens purses' would suffice him! lol..lol..

Ah ha! I see many of the usual suspects, gathered here at the scene of the crime! Sorry I'm late!

Probably not much, this trip. He just stocked up on staples, didn't he?

(Glad you're feeling better, by the way!)

He might pay cash. Knights are a bit old-fashioned, aren't they? Certain really bright ones might use credit. Not sure. Armor is so heavy, and has so FEW pockets, for cash, wallet, etc. It might be easier just to slip in a bank-card somewhere...

Lol, I wouldn't want to cut in front of him, but knights are so courteous, he might let me go first (now that he feels better!) He and I might be there awhile!

"YOU go first!"

"No, YOU were HERE first!"

etc.

:-))

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

URGENT UPDATE!!

WHAT, on God's pretty green earth, is "Pocari Sweat"?????

I am an ignorant, culturally-deprived, ego-centric American!

Please elucidate!!

Thank you, that will be all. :-))

He'd buy wire and a ball-peened hammer. The wire to keep him on his horse while both his arms are occupied with his lance and a ball-peened hammer to get the dents out of his armor... He'd pay with bright sovereigns! Yes, I do believe I'd let him ahead of me in line since he'd have me put in the stocks if I didn't as I am but a lowly serf.

UPDATE: Whoa, just checked in again and feel like I'm the new kid at the high school dance, just not fittin' in with the in-crowd!

ok lets seeeeeeee
carrots for his horse,cuz wut is a knight w/o a noble steed?
um,WD40,so he didnt rust over.
healthy food for those long days of rescuing princeses and finally,a copy of playboy,cuz everyguy needs some alone time. ;)

W-Dee 40

And yes..we'll give him credit. ;)

Definitely Pocky in several flavors, Pretz, DARS chocolate, Pocari Sweat, and Asahi.

Also Purell hand sanitizer, dark sunglasses for traveling incognito, and a DVD of some Scottish flick.

He's paying cash! And if he asks you any questions, he's not referring to his own life. LOL.

He's one of my favs!

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