Why do some people crossdress? It's kind of odd!?

I am a crossdresser and I'd like to offer you some information so that you can better understand people like me. I'm not trying to preach. Someone asked why and I’d like to do my best to give an answer.

Every crossdresser is different, so I can only give you some basic information and some information about my own case.

In many cases there is confusion involved. Some haven't figured out why they do it or whether they're a transsexual, crossdresser or transvestite.

What’s the difference?

A transsexual is a person who feels they were born in a body of the wrong gender and wants to undergo gender reassignment surgery.

A crossdresser is a person who enjoys wearing clothing traditionally reserved for the other gender. Some enjoy dressing as a woman part or even most of the time and may or may not feel that they were born in a body of the wrong gender. I, personally, fall into this category and I do not know yet if I wish to have the surgery. Lots of times I think I do.

Some crossdressers live full time as a woman and some of them want surgery, but not all of them. Some choose partial physical changes such as taking female hormones to get softer skin or breasts but don’t have full surgery. Others have some facial feminization surgery but don’t have full surgery. Everyone’s different and they do different things so that they can be the person they truly feel they are.

Many crossdressers use a female name while they’re dressed because it works better and feels nicer.

A transvestite is a person who wears clothing of the other gender for fetishistic reasons. Technically, that word has the exact same meaning as the word crossdresser, but most crossdressers prefer not to use the term transvestite because it has negative connotations to it.

The term transgendered has a different meaning depending on the forum in which it is asked. In clinical circles, it’s the same definition as the term transsexual. In the transgendered community, however, the term transgendered seems to be an umbrella term applying to anyone who enjoys wearing any clothing traditionally reserved for the other gender for any reason, so in that community the term transgendered includes transsexuals, crossdressers, and transvestites as well.

Why do I do it?

I do it because there is a whole lot femininity inside me, and very little masculinity. Friends of mine agree with me that I have a lot of feminine qualities. This means that I am not compatible with a strictly masculine life. I’ll go into more detail below.

Can a crossdresser stop crossdressing?

As a matter of fact, I tried to stop crossdressing for a while, and I lasted two and a half years, but then I realized that I had a question to answer. The question was what do I do with all of this femininity in me (which is much stronger than the small amount of masculinity in me) in a strictly masculine life? Can I get rid of the crossdressing behavior? Actually, yes, I can. However, I cannot get rid of the femininity in me because it’s built in, like the engine in your car. But femininity is not allowed in a strictly masculine life.

What happens, if I stop crossdressing, is that I feel constant angst and tension because there is a large part of me that I have to suppress in order to live a strictly masculine life. Trying to live that way puts me at war with myself because half of me feels that something feminine I’m feeling or doing is okay and the other half is telling me I can’t do that or feel that because it’s not masculine. I can’t live like that. I can’t live a life of suppressing or denying an integral, passionate and wonderful part of me which I feel makes up *more than half* of me. Truthfully, I confess that I don't want to get rid of my femininity anyway! I love that I'm empathetic towards other people and can understand people really well. I love that I enjoy talking about my feelings and talking with others about theirs. I love that I feel my emotions strongly. I decided long ago I'd rather feel than… what? Feeling makes life very rich! Some things are hardwired into us and my femininity is hardwired into me. That's who I am.

Crossdressing allows me an outlet for my femininity. It allows me to feel whole because I can then embrace all of me and not just part of me. Is crossdressing a choice? I answer that by saying it’s a choice with no options. As I said before, I can stop the crossdressing behavior, but then my life is unlivable. If I want to be able to embrace all of myself without being in a constant tug of war between the different parts me then it isn’t truly a choice. It’s only a choice if a person somehow doesn’t mind repressing most of himself. If I could start all over and choose to not have the femininity in me I might choose to do so, but then again, I might not. My life would be substantially easier, but then I wouldn’t be myself, would I? I’d be some other person whom I might not really even like and I love the person I am now.

I do currently need to keep my feminine side hidden from the world, but I’m slowly and steadily working to change that and when I’m finished, there will be no more war with myself. Allowing myself tome time dressed as a women is tremendously helpful with that.

Do I experience confusion?

Yes, I confess that I do. In my case, I am confused as to what gender I am because I really don't fit under the term masculine as I understand it. I do fit under the term feminine as I understand it. I'm working on getting into a support group that can help me figure that out. But that’s all that I’m confused about. I’m not confused about the rest.

Is crossdressing weird?

I think about my situation very thoroughly with my mind open to undesired possibilities, see to it that I am properly informed, live my life accordingly and do what makes me happy. Is that weird?

Thanks for reading!

I hope I’ve helped you to better understand crossdressers. To the one who posted the question, thank you for asking! To everyone, please know that I respect you, too, wherever you stand.

Lisa