Can a manager be friends with their subordinates?

I've been promoted so I am now managing staff who are my friends. This has already caused a bit of bad feeling and one person in particular is treating me differently. Should I just accept that we can't really be such good friends any more, or is there a way around this?

Firstly… congratulations on your promotion, well done.

As for your question, I think there has to be some change in the relationship, this does not mean you can’t be friendly of course or indeed be a friend to ALL of your staff (you have to treat them all equally now) when it’s appropriate.

The difference now is that you have to accept that at times you will need to put your employer’s needs first. For example if Jane rolls in 10 minutes late and hungover every day, you may have to say something regardless of whether Jane is your best friend and at the risk of your friendship. This will be even more difficult if you are the one out partying with her every night !

Another difficulty if you have more than 2 staff is invariably there will be ‘cliques’. Say that every Friday, Jane, Louise and Mary all go out to the wine bar whilst Tom, Dick & Harry go to watch footy in the pub and Sarah, Sharon and Dave always go straight home. If you regulary go out with one group but not the other, accusations of favouritism are sure to follow at some point.

It’s not fair, but life rarely is.

This doesn’t mean you can NEVER go out with your staff, you just need to be wary. The usual celebrations where everyone is invited… birthdays etc, are obvious exceptions. Though a little boogie on the dancefloor is obviously fine, dancing on the tables is something probably best confined to nights out with your non-work mates!

Personally I think that as long as you are a reasonable. fair and approachable manager , anyone who gets really upset at you doing your job, isn’t much of a friend in the 1st place. ‘Real’ friends will understand your position, respect it and support you, the others aren’t worth losing sleep over. It will be difficult at first, but you will soon spot the good ones from the bad. The good ones may well turn into friends forever, I still keep in touch with people who worked for me 15 years ago.

Also accept you WILL make mistakes, everyone does, don’t tear yourself up over them, just learn.

It’s an old saying, but still true… “treat others as you would have others treat you” if you do that, you won’t go far wrong and should always sleep well at night.

And finally…. It does get easier as you get older and go higher… you’ve learnt and the people directly under you tend to be older, hopefully wiser and hence less inclined to silliness.

Good luck.... as previous answer said, the fact that you asked the question speaks volumes in your favour.

I have yet to meet someone who can be both a good manager and friends with their employees. However, if it is to have a chance of working then there needs to be strict boundaries drawn at work so that the employee-manager relationship is clearly defined and there does not appear to be any favouritism to others with whom you are not so friendly. Pursue a friendship outside of work only. Good luck and I hope you are one of the few who are able to strike this balance.

As a manager now you need to manage your staff professionally and also be a friend to them.
To be professional you need to be a leader and a manager with good managerial practices and to be a friend and their manager, you must be genuinely committed to put into practices all those principles of good management and the level of interpersonal skills you need to put into practice. Because the practice of interpersonal skills is the most influencial way to get staff to get things done.
Some examples of good managerial practices are: able to keep an open mind, listen to feedbacks, objective and impartial and able to earn the genuine respect of superior, peers and subordinates.
Also when you are able to earn your staff respect and confidence, they will not only accept you as a superior but also as a friend as before you were promoted.

I personally believe that as a manager a distant relationship is easier to manage. As in a management position you will have to make decisions, that effect those people.

They can, but out of the office, i have seen this so often, where one gets promoted the others are jealous for whatever reason and causes all kinds of hassles. Best to be mates outside of the working environment.

David s has it right it just doesn't work having been in many similar situations as yourself your better off letting the friendships slide and get a new circle of friends

I do understand your question and value you asking which means you are still down to earth.
YES you can be friends with them but you must use good judgement. Being a good manager is about transmiting top management requests and info to your subordinates in a clear & simplified way taking into consideration which tasks to be assigned to which employee.
Top management is not dumb at all, trust me. They have seen in you the person who could facilitate information and tasks assigning abilities.
And yes being friendly but firm when needed is the best way to motivate employees.
I am sure your friendship would no intimate them and get them to discuss all points of views with you on each assignement.
Keep cool and don't act bossy with them and in no time you will see the end results.
Wishing you good luck

Yes, but conflict will occur at some point and friendship will be sorely tested.

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