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à®â™¥P u S s y CaT♥à®â™¥is a mummy!!! | Does this email (to a boss) sound ok? thanks!? |
Dear Mr. ....
This is ......... the manager in (location) shop '(shop name)'.
I hope that you are ok.
Please allow me to give you a little feedback on what is going on in that particular branch although only working there for nearly 4 weeks now.
I have sensed that one (or maybe more) member(s) of staff is indeed stealing money from the till, as there was no prove i could not put my finger in that particular person and accuse them of theft, based on that i would like to make a suggestion of bringing a camera in order to prevent accidents like this to happen and possibly catch all those who are dishonest.
Also, i would like to bring to your attention that on weekends, we do not have sufficient food on our displays and that could cause some customers to resign purchasing goods from us, as an empty fridge does not give a very good impression.
On weekdays, there is more food on display, so maybe something could be done about this.
does this sound ok as an email to your boss(you being the manager of one of the branches)? what could i end it with?
thanks !!
Additional Details
Thanks ever so much for anyone who HELPED, i know that this letter isn't the most professional and this is why i am asking for help, if your sole aim is to criticise then, please don't waste your- and mine- replying!!
to colin T- ermm, not sure if your use of the english language is quite right !! is that how you spell suspicians ??? |
 |
 
i ♥ gilmore girls
 |
Hi i've copied your version and put my alterations in bold so it reads a little better.
Dear Mr. ....
This is ......... , the CURRENT STORE manager AT (SHOP NAME), IN (location).
I hope that you are WELL.
ALTHOUGH I HAVE ONLY BEEN WORKING AT THIS PARTICULAR STORE FOR 4 WEEKS I FEEL THE NEED TO BRING A FEW THINGS TO YOUR ATTENTION.
ON A NUMBER OF OCCASIONS I have REASON TO BELIEVE that one (or POSSIBLEY more) member(s) of staff ARE indeed stealing money from the till. HOWEVER as there was no PROOF i WAS not ABLE TO CONFRONT that particular person and accuse them of theft. Based on THIS i would like to make a suggestion of INSTALLING A SECURITY CAMERA in order to DETER SUCH INCIDENTS like this FROM happenING AGAIN and HOPEFULLY catch all those who are dishonest.
SECONDLY, i would like to bring to your attention that on weekends, we do not have sufficient food on our displays and THIS HAS CAUSED NUMEROUS CUSTOMERS TO LEAVE THE STORE DISSATISFIED RESULTING IN THEM PURCHASING GOODS FROM OUR COMPETITORS.
HOWEVER, On weekdays, there is ENOUGH food on display, so maybe THIS COULD BE LOOKED IN TO. |
|
Gonz
 |
My take on the letter, I've changed a couple of things around.
**************************************...
I hope that you are [well].
[Following my first three weeks at the store I would like to offer you some initial feedback as to the store's performance.]
I [am afraid to say that I suspect that one (or maybe more) members of staff are indeed stealing money from the till. I have no direct proof, however we have recorded cash losses when cashing up at the end of the day. I would like to install a security camera covering the tills enable us to catch the thief. This will also act as a deterrent in the future.
In addition to the problem described above, I would like to bring to your attention the fact that on weekends we have insufficient levels of food on our displays. This will affect our sales, and a plan should be put in place to ensure that this does not continue to happen. Perhaps we could arrange for a large delivery to the store on Friday and we could have one employee replenishing the shelves throughout the day on Saturday and Sunday.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards
[Name]
**************************************...
Hope this helps?
I think you need more context about yur theif - have you got evidence? How much has gone missing? Why do you suspect this person?
Also - empty shelves - what is the solution -do you need someone to fill the shelves during the day? Is it that there are daily deliveries on Mon-Fri, but nothing on Sat/Sun? |
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roh P
 |
Can I suggest a letter like this
' Dear Sir
I have recently taken up employment with your firm at the _______ store and I feel obliged to point out that I suspect that some staff do have their hands in the till. Although I cannot prove this, I strongly believe it is happening because
1.
2.
3.
4.
I feel it will be a good precautionary step to have cctv monitoring and/or use other security methods to catch or deter staff stealing money from the tills.
I am also concerned that our stock replenishment management is not working because we are running out of stock over the weekend on an ongoing basis. I have witnessed first hand that customers are becoming frustrated about this and believe that something urgent needs to be done. Customers will most certainly stop calling at the store when basic stock is not available.
Yours sincerely
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shoegal08@ymail.com
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proof* incidents*
don't say i hope you are ok .. |
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cantarloca
|
the last poster was right...this is actually very poorly written...grammatically and simply tone.
if you can wait a bit i'd be happy to help work with you on it via im or something. email me if you are interested. |
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tanika971
 |
it sounds terrible, like a schoolboy had written it, for example, you don't say " I could not put my finger in that particular person and accuse them of theft," That's definitely not the right way to put it. i would rethink your wording before you send the email. |
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COLIN T
|
To me personally, it sounds like it comes from a 16 year old! Putting your suspicians etc into an email is not really the greatest idea. You would be better off covering the points that you want to bring out in a phone call.
If you really do want to use email may i suggest that you take a close look at your use - or mis-use - of the English language! |
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