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Cian | Bankrupt girlfriend? |
My girlfriend just told me that she's a discharged bankrupt!! I'm 28, she's 26, we've been together for 7 years, and she went bankrupt when she was 22!!!! It was stupid credit card debt.
I don't know if I trust her anymore. She didn't lie to me but she's avoided the truth for so many years. I'm angry, mad and disappointed. What would you do?? |
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Justin R
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Why are you angry, mad, and disappointed? I could see if she lied to you, but she didn't. She just never told you. Honestly, a bankruptcy is very embarrassing, and some people would rather not tell anyone else, for fear they are looked upon as failures. You'll be amazed at the amount of people you wouldn't suspect, who have gone through a bankruptcy. You have been together long enough to understand how she is with her money, if she spends it like its going out of style, then you have reason not to trust her. But, just make sure you keep the credit cards to a minimum and only use the for emergencies, and not every day spending. |
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Julie M
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Did it ever come up in conversation? Then perhaps it's lying by way of not being up front about it, but unless you had very specific conversations about each other's spending habits, there's no reason to hold it against her.
Now, if she's still in major debt and/or she filed for bankrupcy after the two of you had talked about your own finances, that would be different. If you are/were cohabiting at the time, that would be different. If you're still living separately and don't have much business with each other's finances, then it's her own problem to share with you as she sees fit. It all depends on how intimate the two of you are with each other's property.
The one constant in this is, should you ever marry her, her debt problem will become your debt problem, so keep this in mind. |
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MSAD
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Its not a problem until you start talking marriage. As long as it's just dating....her debt her problem.
You get married.....her debt...both of your problem.
The question I have ..is not that she had to declare bankruptcy (thats just a result of not having been taught about money growing up). But what has she done since?
At this point- shes 26 - she's declared bankruptcy -- what did she learn? "My parents did not teach me about money and credit " is not an excuse anymore. Is she back to her same old habits that got her into trouble in the first place?
If you start talking marriage.....before any rings get purchased -- have a conversation about finances. Pull each other's credit report and show each other every debt and asset you have. If you are going to get married....you need to have a financial plan in place. |
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stan c
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Don't live in the past. Just go forward and build a future together. My wife and I made a lot of mistakes over the 35 years of marriage , but we recovered every time and never looked back to see if it would of been avoided. |
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HandyThinker
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There is such a thing as a lie of omission. This comes into that category. As to whether you trust her anymore is a personal assessment you have to make. You've dated a long time....can you trust her in the so many other aspects of a loving relationship?
No one is perfect. The best way to handle this is to let her know that it raises questions in your mind about trust. From there the healing can begin for both of you. |
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rockkitten
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i would stay with her. if you care about her, you will deal with it. imagine how she feels. she probably didnt tell you cuz she was embarrassed. all you can do right now is just be there for her. she is bankrupt, so she doesnt need any more drama, and she needs your support. |
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Elora Danan
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I don't think she lied. U never asked. Haven't u heard "Don't ask , Don't tell." Unless this is something that affects u too I wouldn't worry about it. That's on a need to know basis. |
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candi h
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If the topic was never directly mentioned then it would not be as bad. I know that it is tough, but now you know. You now have two choices leave and be with someone more settled in life and has good credit or help her through it and recover. It also may have been a problem of the wrong time. I know if it were me I wouldn't just tell my b/f on our first, 2nd or 3rd date but as time went by and we got more serious I would have put it out on the table. Especially for 7 years. Have a talk with her and see what else you may not know especially if you plan on getting married. |
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♥ Heaven ♥ Lee ♥
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I think I would be disappointed.
She will still be able to be a co-borrower for a house, car etc. as long as she has been more responsible since.
Most lenders will see that she had a BK 4 years ago and just check to see if she has been paying her bills on time since then. |
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zi2piska
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Who's problem is it? Her's or your's? Your not married..Know if you were married I'd be very concerned...Life's obstacles, chance VS Choice! Remember this saying? Destiny is not by chance, but by choice>> She'll work through it<<< Understand that...establish good spending habit's always...teach her if you love her... |
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John H
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Me personally would be well pee'd off!!!
A relationship is exactly that a relationship!! You are supposed to share and keep no secrets - especially big ones like this, that can have a detrimental effect on a relationship / future plans etc etc.
I'd seriously sit down with her and have a good heart to heart about it.
Good luck matey!!! This is a hard one!!! |
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