What use is travel insurance?

When you’ve had a chuckle at this,be warned, & tell anyone you know who might be contemplating a trip abroad.

I Should’ve Known Better at My Time of Life

One sunny day in Georgia I took it in my head,
to try & ride a pony – it’s easy they all said.
I paid my twenty dollars, & climbed up on the horse,
quite unconcerned because it was, just a beginners course.
As they sorted out my stirrups, & showed me how to use the rein,
it never once occurred to me that this was quite insane.
So off we walked quite slowly I soon got used to this,
as I relaxed, enjoyed the views, ---- oh, ignorance is bliss!
We turned off down a smaller path leaving the mountain track,
there’s really nothing much to this, you soon pick up the knack.
The cowboy seat is rather good; a cushion at your rear,
a massive horn in front of you to grab if you feel fear.
I was perturbed I will admit, the slope down which we rode
got steeper, and yet steeper still. I thought “well I’ll be blowed
“I’d no idea, that while I’m here I’d travel in this mode,
but fly the flag on this old nag, my fear must not be showed”!!

Twas on the third descent I think, the steeper by far yet,
disaster struck, what rotten luck, my Waterloo I met!!!!
We were sliding down the mountain without a safety net
& there’s a river at the bottom,
“Sh*t!!” “I’m going to get wet”!
With feet stretched out before me, leaning back as far as poss,
I thought it’s been a big mistake to get up on this hoss;
the river swept toward me, its banks all green with moss;
before I knew what next to do--- the blighter jumped across.
Beecher’s Brook it wasn’t, but I stayed on non-the-less
as up the hill it galloped, to my shame & my distress
an awful thought went through my mind, (an educated guess),
it would take me more than one Dock-leaf* to clean up all the mess!
It reached the top & stopped at last, to everyone’s relief
so I sat there in the saddle, posing like an Indian Chief
fleeting feelings of elation as they stared in dis-belief
& thought it was a miracle they needn’t buy a wreath.
They asked me if I was okay, before they checked the horse
I didn’t know quite what to say, & answered with some force
“I think I’ve had enough today”, & they agreed “of course”.
but it was then, to my dismay, I began to feel much worse.
When we got back to the stable I thanked them for the ride
& took my leave quite eagerly from the young female guide;
(my clothes were feeling wet by then & stuck to my backside)
but I couldn’t stay upon the horse & wait untill they dried,
so I tied my sweater round my waist, my embarrassment to hide.
I drove back to my cabin **hidden in the mountain wood
& ran the shower & stripped off then as quickly as I could,
when much to my discomfiture I saw, as there I stood,
that all my clothes were actually dripping wet with blood.

I called the Barclays helpline, but they told me to wait,
while they tried hard to prove it was, a pre-existing state,
an hour passed & still I bled, (for all they cared I could be dead)
I called again but still no joy, delaying tactics they employ.
With serious wounds inside my gut, there could be no denial
I’d need to see a doctor but, they made me wait a while.

The stars were in the sky by now, the sweat was pouring from my brow.
They put my cell-phone onto hold, & left me all night in the cold.
They used up all of my airtime, which I thought was a bloody crime.
So there I was without a hope of getting help.No use to mope!
So off to seek some help I went, (this holiday is different).
Where should I go to find a Doc? (by now it’s way past 8 o’clock)
so many times I passed right out, it would have been no use to shout,
up there, there was no-one about!
The sun is up, I’m bleeding still, I’ve very nearly had my fill.
I found a phone & called once more, their answer shook me to the core
“To Warner Robbins you must drive,*** if you should wish to stay alive
at our expense” I heard them say; “If you refuse--- we will not pay”.
“But that’s two hundred miles away, it’ll take 6 hours this time of day”
“At least.” they said, “Do you not see? You should have died beneath that tree
It’s so much cheaper then for us, to fly you home without a fuss.
A plastic bag, a pickup truck, would save us more than just a buck
We fly you cargo, pack you flat, your ticket more than covers that”****
My blood still dripping on the floor, (I feared I could not have much more),
“I’m sorry I just can’t agree, I’m off to Fannin first to see,
if they have a facility to shove my bleeding guts back in,
& hold them with a safety pin When that’s been done at my expense
I’ll sue you for some recompense”.“Who do you think you are?” they said,
“we’ll not be paying for your bed, your policy you have not read!
You thought you were with Barclaycard, but finding us will be quite hard.
In the UK we‘ve simply got a PO box , which ain’t a lot
of use to you in finding us, without an awful lot of fuss.
We are in fact an Irish firm, and if that makes you want to squirm,
much more than that you might find out, (& this’ll really make you shout)
we only act as agents for some shysters based in Labrador”! *****
To Fannin Regional I found my way although it was to my dismay
I realised that I’d have to stay because by now I’d turned quite grey.
The desk clerk saw me stagger in & asked who was my next-of-kin
& then she said to go straight through as first aid now was overdue .
A nurse then helped me to undress, gave me a shot to help the stress
she put a drip into my arm; at last I started to feel calm.
The doctor came & said tut tut, you’ve made a right mess of your gut
we’ll have to have a look to see what’s causing your emergency.
So down to x-ray they took me to see whatever they could see
The receptionist came running in announcing with triumphant grin
“Barclaycard agree to pay, ---but only for just one x-ray!
They say they’ll only foot the bill for First Aid treatment up until
they can get him out of here, coz our prices are too dear”!
The Doctor blew his top & said “Do those b****rds want him dead?
He made it here without their help, so let them stomp around & yelp,
the injuries to this old man require a comprehensive scan”.
So in the tunnel up to my head I went, & then to bed.******
A bed in my own private room, I thought I had escaped my doom.
Two bags of blood awaiting me, (I rather have a cup of tea)!
I hope they’ve got the right blood group, this stuff looks more like charcoal soup
They say I really should have four but Barclaycard is now so poor
that they will only pay for two, & so I’ll have to just make do !

Next day I’m told I must go back up to my little mountain shack
still with the tubes inside of me, because at present I can’t pee.
Barclaycard will not fund more,no matter that I’m bruised & sore,
too weak to walk out of the door, my gut still swelled with my own gore.
I will not say I was not miffed, but managed to arrange a lift** ** ** *
(after I’d took a load of pills), to fetch me “home” into the hills,
I scarcely got back there again when I discovered that the drain
had with a clot become quite blocked, I fear I really was quite shocked .
So back to Fannin once again, already in terrific pain
we’d not got to the main highway, when I just knew it weren’t my day.
With a sigh one tyre went flat, the driver said “Oh Dear! Oh Drat!”
I waited while he changed the wheel, “Oh surely this cannot be real?”
My gut swelled up like a balloon, we thought that it must burst quite soon .
We flew along at breakneck speed, of limits we took no more heed.
Someone had phoned to let them know of my disastrous tale of woe
When we arrived back at Fannin, the Doctors quickly took me in,
but Barclays said I’d have to wait (“It’s now a pre-existing state”)
until next week when they would phone, my GP just in case he’d known
if it really could be true that all my injuries were due
to my flight out there tourist class, with half a saddle up my a*se!

Whilst this was done the nurses worked, all through the night, none ever shirked
revolting things they had to do (my privates still quite black & blue)
by now I really was quite high on morphine so no longer shy!
The night went by, the morning came, whilst Barclays played their silly game.
My GP told them what he thought, so third opinions then they sought
but none they found who would agree, that this was no emergency
They said the Docs could operate if they charged just half their usual rate.
As the nurses prepped me for the op Barclays brought things to a stop,
they called me on my bedside phone as I lay there all drugged & prone:
“we care not what may be your plight; we need the details of your flight”********
“But I’m plugged into these machines; you cannot realise what this means”
“But nor do you” they then snapped back; “because these details we still lack,
you are in breach of our small print so you’ll go home & find you’re skint.
You’ve provided us a reason to--- refuse to pay what you thought due”!
Two nurses then wheeled me to O-R, it wasn’t really very far,
A third then gave the epidural & I dreamed of home & all things rural.

I knew no more till I awoke! It’s Barclays with another joke,
calling again my bedside phone to ask how soon I could fly home!
When told “the doctor you must ask” they said “Oh No, that is your task”
“If we ask , he surely would send us a bill, & that’s not good”
“But don’t forget” she then went on, “your Policy rights have now all gone
You failed when asked, to furnish us, with your Travel Docs without a fuss”
I fear it’s now too late for you, and on that note I’ll let you stew.
The nurse came in & was quite stunned, confirmed they had agreed to fund
my operation, treatment, care, of this the staff were well aware,
(they ascertain that they’ll get paid, in case by chance I should get slayed).
She carried on & did her stuff, & said that I should call their bluff.

Next day they called me yet again reiterating their refrain
“We have to get you out of there the cost is far too much to bear
Our experts here are all agreed that you no longer have the need
to stay in bed in a drugged state, & so we will no longer wait.
Your doctor says you can’t go back to your little mountain shack
so we’ve decided till your well we’ll shut you up in a Motel
& then she said with emphasis “your doctors have agreed to this
until such times that you can p**s once more without dialysis”.++
When all the paper work was done I waited outside in the sun
for my transport to arrive, grateful I was still alive.
No car arrived to take me there, to Days Inn or to anywhere.
The episode had been a ploy, (they do it simply to annoy)!
The doctor said that I must wait until the drug’s effects abate
before I could get in my car as long as I did not drive far
but warned me I should take great care & made me confirm I was aware
that if I had an accident, he swear I drove without consent!

So off to Blue Ridge town at last, driving slowly & not fast
I found Days Inn at half past three, to find they weren’t expecting me.
I phoned the helpline once again wondring if I’d gone insane
& then was told that for my stay, there was no chance that they would pay,
although the docs had been assured Barclays would pay my bed & board.
A little miffed with all their lies, I thought to cut them down to size :
“If you won’t pay, I bravely said, I’ll go back to my hospital bed!” +++
This did the trick & so I stayed at Days Inn, Blue Ridge, & they paid!
It weren’t much fun just sitting there, watching folk around the square ,
a General store, a Radio Shack, (they race model cars around out back!)
A Wendy House, a KFC , a Burger King to name but three,
I did not want for place to eat, but soon got sick of this one street.
But worse than this was that each day, Barclays called to have their say
& made it plain they would not pay should I decide that I’d not stay.

A week had passed ; I had to go back to the Doc’s, my wounds to show.
He took a look, removed the drains, told me I could now ride on trains
or sit in boats (but not canoes), my backside still one massive bruise.
With driving I must take great care or else his stitches might all tear,
the drugs for pain I’d need to stop, 4 hours before driving to a shop.
He said that with another week or maybe two of eating steak
then I could count my battle won & should be fit to travel on.
Next day I thought to travel back up to my peaceful mountain shack
but Barclays rang & told me I must drive to the airport bye & bye
as they had booked me on a flight back home regardless of my plight.
Their expert had declared me fit, (from Canada? the stupid twit!),
They cared not what my doctor said, nor that if jarred my guts still bled.
So I refused to undertake this expedition for their sake
There was no way that I could drive two hundred miles & stay alive.
If they insist upoon the trip they’d need to find a way to ship
me & my hire car back down South, not detrimental to my health.
I gave them just another hour to make their minds up. what a shower!
They did not call & tell me what they had decided so I got
a lift back to my mountain lair. But this I feel was quite unfair;
they called my Doc & left no doubt he’d not get paid if he should flout
their plans to make me drive all day & all night too just so that they
could save a few more bucks that way.
These are the vicious games they play! ++++
The hour went by but still no word, as from my doc they’d still not heard,
but as my lift was standing by, (a truly great American guy),
who’d volunteered to drive me back to my little mountain shack,
we sat there for another ten, but still heard not the why or when
so back we went to peace at last up to that mountain range so vast.
A weekend’s peace & quiet so still, the cicadias’ singing quite a thrill
on Monday morn I thought it better not sit & await a letter
so I called Barclays to discover they withdrawn all my insurance cover
having failed to let me know they’d forced my Doc to let me go.
They said coz I’d not made their flight they washed their hands what’ere my plight,
that I could make my way back home , or if I liked was free to roam
A hundred bucks I had to pay to get insurance for my stay
until such time I could return – oh, well sometimes, you live & learn
a bargain you maybe thinking, but this did exclude my wounded gut!
It took me full three days to go, back through Atlanta to Morrow +++++
whence Herts had hired me my car, I hadn’t thought it was that far.
Of Delta I can’t say speak too high, once they were told the reason why,
by two weeks I had missed my flight, they were concerned about my plight.
Barclays had failed to let them know that into hospital I’d had to go
not only did they waive the fee, because of my emergency
they looked after me so thoroughly , and even made a cup of tea.
They put me in a wheelchair & pushed me here & pushed me there
right through the airport to the plane, asking if I was in pain .
Back at Gatwick early next day, through baggage & customs without delay
& home at last – no more to stray???

FOOTNOTES:
Fannin is a “county” in Georgia which has many Civil war “Tourist Sites”,
Fannin Regional Hospital is about 10 miles North of the town of Blue Ridge,
which, in turn is about 70 miles North of Atlanta, the Capital city of Georgia.
an urban sprawl of over 25 miles.
* For those not used to country ways---- Dock leaves are useful when toilet paper isn’t available.
** My cabin was about 10 miles East of Blue Ridge ie, 30 mins from Fannin Hospital
*** Warner Robbins in a sizeable town nearly 100 miles South of Atlanta. A journey roughly equal to starting at Southampton, driving clear thru’ central London & on to Ipswich. -- Atlanta has NO M25!!
This was the drive Barclays Insurers ordered me to do, alone, having, according to the Fannin Doctor, lost “More’n 4 pints” of blood !
** ** When re-booking my return, & explaining why I was a week late, the airline told me it would have cost $200 to fly my body back, --------- my Air ticket could’ve been cashed for £250
** ** * some unknown & untraceable address--- definitely somewhere in Canada --- I only say Labrador coz it rhymes!
** ** ** From arrival at Reception,
–Processed whilst being Triaged & undressed,
–Doctor in attendance in 2-way mike contact with Consultant—
–Catheterised, Sedated, IV drip, mioved to X-ray dept
–Abdomen X-rayed, Full body Cat-Scan,
–Blood Typed & tucked up in bed in single private ward
All in 5 mins under an hour!
** ** ** * very kindly by the owner of the cabin I’d rented—my only contact in USA ! altho’ I’d made my own way to the hospital, there was no way they’d have let me driveaway agin in my condition.
** ** ** ** Who takes their Airline ticket to hospital with them?
Mine was safely locked in the hire car, where it had remained for the whole holiday.
---- sure enough tho’ , the Policy small print states, categorically, you must be able to quote every detail from it “on first contact” ! Barclaycard Insurers maintained this failure alone invalidated my cover.

++ Poetic licence here, I was never on dialysis but cather wouldn’t rhyme.
+++ Barclaycard had assured the hospital that all arrangements, (inc transport) had been made.
In actual fact, they had made no arrangements at all. They had not even phoned the motel to see if they had ANY vacant rooms, let alone one on the ground floor.
++++ Particularly galling when I found out they had absolutely no intention of paying either him or the hospital!
+++++ A town on the Southern outskirts of Atlanta, where I’d hired my car at the outset of my holiday.
2 months after my return I started receiving threats from the hospital as Barclaycard “Insurance” had failed to honour their agreement to pay ANY of my medical bills.
Visa eventually put pressure on them, & got these paid, just in time to stop Debt recovery proceedings being started against me
2 yrs later, I have still received NONE of the expenses, or benefits, supposedly due under the policy wording

This was
“Barclaycard Direct ClassicTravel Insurance”,

An Annual, Multi-trip Policy

----not a “freebee” nor a “cheapee” ----

advertised by Barclaycard, Sold by Barclaycard,Paid for with Barclaycard

AND Barclaycard deny all responsibility

N.B. when ringing around to find an alternative Policy,

I discover the same Irish Company are also trading as:-

“Lloyds TSB Holiday Insurance”

BE VERY AWARE

Public Health Warning

Before you set out on a holiday,
Please digest all that I have to say;
Travel cover should not be too hard,
but don’t ever buy it from Barclaycard!
They’ll farm it out to Global Excell,
an Insurance Company direct from Hell
You’ve read what happened to me early last year,
when I got serious injuries to my rear
if you read it all thru’ it you’ll see it’s quite clear
that I’m very lucky to still be here
================================

"Global Excell" run the "24 hr Helpline" in N.America.

"24 hr Helpline" does NOT mean it's available 24/7 !!!!

It means they can take 24 hrs to give an answer !

The "Help" in the title actually indicates it exists solely to HELP THEM AVOID CLAIMS !