Help!! We are in a financial downfwall, what should we do??

AHHHH!!! We have just been married, purchased a house and have moved in. However, when planning my budget I underestimated the cost of additional furniture and amenities to furnish the house. I do the finances and when I tell my wife we do not have money to pay bills, but she continues to want to purchase stuff. The first three months of being in the new home we have a negative cash flow, but we are improving. I love her to death but is there anyway she can put off buying something that...all of the sudden...she must have?? Or are all women this way?
Additional Details
OK...first of all, she makes 52k and I make 57k. I am two years removed from college and she is one. I'd like to see as many women starting out of college at age 22 make as much as her.

If you dont continue to buy things for her...she will leave you and take all of your money with her! Just Kidding!

She probably is just use to a different lifestyle and this is a new transition in her life. Does she work? Do you work? These are factors I need to know more of the analyze the situation.

With the additional information I think that she is trying to get use to this new lifestyle. If she is trying to curve spending and isn't blowing money left and right on clothes and stuff like that I would say she is making an improvement.

If she is spending a lot of money on herself --- that is selfish.

Congratulations on your new home. It seems your wife may not have a realistic outlook on your budget. It's simple put it all down on paper, you can use software for it or simple an excel sheet or just write it by hand on a piece of paper.

Then together go over your take home pay, what you may be savimg for retirement, rainy day fund, absolute obligated expenses liken school or auto loans, etc.; realistic estimate for utility bills, taxes, medical, dental etc. and then you both agree to amounts for food, dining out, entertainment(moves), lunches, clothing, That may be an eye opener for her to get a reality check.

It's nice to buy eveyrthing new but to save money you can suggest you watch for furniture on Craigs List or something similar. By being patient I've gotten some greaet deals there.

Its' normal to want everything perfect from the start. Although it sounds like great money as you have learned it can go fast. Making a budget TOGETHER will build a great foundation for your financial future and marriage. Being in debt sucks and who wants that, you can borrow from your future happiness for momentary pleasure.

If you want to go into debt, keep obeying her commands. Otherwise explain the situation to her and set up a budget.

Ah grasshopper, Now you begin to understand women.

"Man's needs are simple. He is easily pleased.
But woman, bless her heart, wants everything she sees!"

Put her in charge of the finances and then YOU go on a spending spree.

First of all, congratulations on your new home.

However, if you are both making such great money and are barely treading water, either you borrowed quite a substantial amount of money (perhaps too much) or she is really overspending.

I make less than $30k a year, as does my partner, and we're paying our house off in 5 years. It might not be as flash as your house, but it's a starting point. So you're right to be expecting that you two should be making far better headway into your homeloan, and covering the bills easily.

I believe if you want to sort this out, you need to make it concrete to your partner. If you are paying the mortgage together, consider having her share of the mortgage repayments deducted from her bank account, or perhaps directly from her employer. Then, split all the bills down the middle. ALL THE BILLS. That's what my partner and I do. His spending habits are a little looser than mine, but this really made him a much better money manager. He always covers his bills, pays his share of the mortgage repayments, and has plenty left over for car parts for his sprint car. He is just organised and can understand delayed gratification. He has a budget and will save up for a part or a gadget that he needs.

If you do it this way, it takes the burden off you. Then, if she wants to spend, she can spend what is left over.

There is no way she can argue that that is unfair. I mean, it's your joint home. You have joint responsibilities and they must be paid for by each of you. Therefore, splitting everything down the middle is the only way to be fair. After a few weeks of splitting everything down the middle, she may in fact realise that her money is a finite resource and that you are not there to carry her financially unless she is incapable of earning her own money.

Not all women are 'this way', and I take offence at that comment. Both men and women can be terrible money managers. Your partner is obviously comfortable with a high spending lifestyle, which she probably learned after getting out of university and suddenly having a much larger income. Expenditure rises with income, unless you control expenditure. Now that you have a joint home, she must learn to change her behaviour. It's a maturity thing. She might want to spend money, but that doesn't entitle her to, and you are absolutely within your rights in insisting that she respect her financial responsibilities. Splitting all the bills that you have incurred as a couple (mortgage, power, gas, rates etc) down the middle is the only way to force her to be accountable for her money.

Really, you can't tell her not to spend money on something that she wants. However, you are absolutely entitled to insist that she pay her share of the bills and expenses first, and use the remainder of her disposable income for her 'wants'. Anything less than that is selfish and disrespectful to you, and your relationship. A woman should be financially responsible for herself, not rely on her husband to make the decisions. I suggest you keep separate bank accounts and manage your finances as individuals, not as a couple. You will still be treated legally as a couple, but I find budgeting a lot easier when the only money I have to worry about is my own. My partner and I only have 1 joint account -- the mortgage. We have very, very few arguments about money.

Hey, if you're a handyman kind of guy, go to the front of the house one afternoon and turn off the power. Tell her that you've not been able to cover the power and it's been disconnected. That's a pretty concrete lesson in financial management. Sitting in the dark, eating cold beans out of a can, might be the impetus she needs to recognise that her spending is absolutely unacceptable. Then, the next day, turn it back on and explain that you had to spend extra to get it reconnected. I know, it's not terribly ethical, but some people need to see direct consequences for their actions before they are compelled to change their behaviour.

If you have a joint credit card, cut it up. If she wants to spend, she must use HER money, not yours. That is abusive to you. Try to get her to follow a few strategies for spending. If she wants something, she must wait 24 hours. If she wants an expensive item, she must get 3 price quotes on identical or near identical items, and choose the cheapest. Show her your distress at your situation. Cry if you have to. Go stay with your Mum for a night and get out of the house. She needs a wake up call.

I recommend that you use your mortgage offset or redraw facility as an emergency savings account, if your loan offers that facility. Each of you should put an extra sum of money (perhaps another $50 or $100 a week) into the loan, which keeps down your interest, and also is available in an emergency. That stops you resorting to credit cards to cover cash flow disasters, which can be a problem, even on your wages, because it costs you extra interest.

You're both quite young, but obviously smart enough to come out of this financially on top. Show her some online mortgage calculators and demonstrate the massive effects that extra payments on your mortgage will make to the interest you pay on the loan. Promise her something as a reward when you pay out the mortgage -- perhaps a second honeymoon? Going from renter to homeowner is a big adjustment for some people, but she's had time enough to adjust.

Best wishes

If your new wife doesn't understand the financial mess you are in and does not agree to do something about it, divorce her else she will ruin you financially. Does she work? Does she contribute to the bills or is she responsible for any of them? If not get her involved so she knows where you're coming from. If that doesn't work, RUN!

It's great you realize this is a problem.

You've got to get her out of this habit as soon as possible, or it will stick.

You know you've got to have a serious conversation with her.

You are making a lot of $$ for your age. I suggest that first, you both need to start saving at least 5%, maybe 10% of your income into your IRA, 401k, or whatever - and set some aside in a checking account.

After that, make sure you pay all of your bills of course. If at that point, you have money left over it will be okay to spend it because you have saved!

You absolutely must save and invest. You can't grow wealthy on a paycheck.

Lastly, just put your foot down and say NO we are not buying it. She sounds like a compulsive spender, so you'll have to be stern.

You need to have a serious conversation with her. Remind her that financial problems are the #1 cause of divorce, and you don't want that to happen to you. She needs to be involved in the budget, too, so the 2 of you should sit down and look at things together. You guys really need to get on the same page on this issue.

Edit: You guys have an income of $112k and you still have a negative cash flow????? There is a very serious problem here and you are headed for disaster. You need to do some serious research on personal finances. I hope that you have an emergency fund.

Most women like to shop, but in most cases that doesn't mean we CAN'T control ourselves. There is a condition of actually being compulsively addicted to shopping; if your wife has this problem, she may need to read some self-help books, do some soul-searching, &/or consider therapy.

Most likely, she is just not wanting to discipline herself in this area. Money is a major factor in many divorces, so you two need to start getting yourselves on the same page. A book I recommend is "Debt-Proof Your Marriage" by Mary Hunt. You can read a brief synopsis of the author's story here:
http://www.cheapskatemonthly.com/mary_mystory.asp

You could also watch episodes of "Til Debt Do Us Part" together, a reality t.v. show about couples struggling with finances. You might even want to consider being on the show (successful couples get awarded between $1000 to $5000 at the end of the program, which I think takes a month to film).
http://www.slice.ca/Shows/ShowsPage.aspx?Title_ID=93097

Women typically have a greater "nesting" urge than men, which means the house usually matters a whole lot more to wives than it does to husbands. So I understand in a way her strong desire to make your home "perfect" as fast as possible.

However, it is not unreasonable to expect her to work within boundaries and limits. She needs to slow down the fulfillment of all her desires to a realistic timetable that will not be financially burdensome to either of you. She might also consider looking at cheaper places to shop.

You are blessed to have a joint income of over $100,000. That is an abundance beyond many people's reach. There are some couples who live jointly on less than $30,000 annually, even couples with mortgages. The two of you could certainly manage to have a positive cash flow with a little financial restraint and attention.

Well you need to just tell her no. I mean if you can't afford something you can't afford it. She should look for a better job to bring in more money if she works. If she wants all these things. Or get a job if she don't work. All women are not this way, she seems a little spoiled.

Don't get snippy, you are the one whining about your wife's spending habits. If she wants all that stuff she should make more money. You don't seem to be worried about materialistic things.

Sounds like wifey is going to drag you down bro. Which might be worth it if she's totally hot.

What the heck is wrong with you? Why are you discussing this here? Take the credit cards and checkbook away from the big spender, show her the position she has put you in and don't spend any more $$$.

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