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Additional Details
Yes Gent 3 slabs of stella, 48 pots and 5 pks of ... |
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rhpscollectanea | Help fiancee to face a large amount of debt? |
I've found the man I want to spend forever with. He's a successful artist, with art in many of the nation's top magazines. But right after 9/11, he lost a high paying dot com job and fell to credit cards to cover the difference. Then in 2005, he had a bad manager who apparently didn't file taxes for him and lost him clients - causing him to fall to cards again and stiff the IRS.
I know he has at least $20-30k in debt, but don't know exact numbers. Talking about it "stresses him out". I've now basically given him my car (I live in NYC, so no need), and about $900 of my own money to help out as a loan, but he hasn't filed taxes since the manager in 2005, there are federal leans on his account, plus the credit cards, and I know there's student loans back there somewhere. I have great credit and worry about us being able to get an apartment down the line with his history.
What can I do to help without stressing him out more? How can I get him to stop avoiding the issue and move?
Additional Details
... I also think I'm underestimating the debt. I really don't know. Important thing to note is as he works freelance, he has no steady source of income, so one month may be booming and the enxt nothing at all -- which is where the loan from me started. He's even living with his parents to save money. This federal stuff scares me more than anything, though. I really want him to at least do this years so he can get the $600 rebate, but he says he doesn't have the money to pay the bills he already has, much less pay taxes... because as freelance they don't take them out, so he has to pay for all of them at the end of the year, and he's obviously saved $0 for his taxes. I just don't get it. |
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Julie S
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You are not responsible for his credit issues. You would be enabling him further to keep on with his financial irresponsibility if you keep helping him out. He is a big boy, is he not?
You want to go through the rest of your life paying for him? It's a two-way street. 50/50.
If he doesn't learn now, you will be paying for it....the rest of your life...and it won't be pretty.
Take a hard look, a hard stance, and tell him he needs to financially grow up now. Or call this marriage stuff off!! |
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older than dirt
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He doesn't sound very successful to me What a load of debt for you to be taking on-he sounds like a con artist You gave him your car and that is just the start just wait till he finds someone else to sponge off This sounds really nasty but read between the lines girl You better not sign anything or you will be liable for his debts as well Be careful I suggest you drop this phoney loser and move on |
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Rachel
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If you are going to get married, his credit is going to pull you down. When you are married and go to buy a house, it has to go in both of your names so you won't get approved. Don't marry him until this is straightened out. He needs to see a financial professional and get a job (or if he has one then he needs to get a second job). Tell him that there will be no wedding until he is straightened out. And, it is a stressful thing, that doesn't mean he can just ignore it because it is not going to magically go away on its own. |
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TedEx
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Did you say "artist"or ""con artist."
You're either going to have to say " do something about it"' or,""see ya later!" And if he gets stressed out, too, tooooo bad.
Are you having sex??? Even if you are not he is still screwing you. |
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AJ
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You're headed for disaster. Assuming you are engaged to an adult, get out now. His name isn't Bill is it? |
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Goonhilda
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Forget about 'stressing him out'. If he can't face facts and formulate a plan to get out of his situation, he's not worth your effort. If he doesn't make some changes -- and that includes a change of employment -- he will always be in this situation and will never get out of debt.
Not dealing with this is childish and immature. It WILL NOT go away if he doesn't deal with it. He needs to get his act together and stop depending on you. If he can't support himself through what he's doing, he needs to do something else. Most 'artists' never make a living from it. He needs to separate what he wants to do (art) from what he needs to do (work) and get back on track. If he has a job, and then does art on the side, eventually he could break into the fine art market, but currently he is just depending on you a little bit too much. Lending him your car, and your money, will only make it easier for him to ignore his problems. So stop supporting him in this way, and force him to start growing as a person.
Stop enabling him. If you want to marry this man, he needs to act like a man and take responsibility for his actions. Thousands of people were out of work because of 9/11, and they had to take whatever work they could get. He is no better than any of them, and if he wants a future with you, he needs to dig himself out of this mess.
He should start applying for jobs like factory work. It is relatively easy to do, and the pay is ok.
You SHOULD be stressing him out about this. He obviously needs a motivation to change, and you MUST be that motivator. If you want to marry him, get him sorted out financially first. If he won't change, then he's bad news and you don't need him. He will just take you down with him financially, which would be incredibly selfish of him. Don't give him the chance. Make him prove himself instead of getting upset about the situation.
If he really loved you, he'd want the best for you and your joint future. He sounds like a user, I'm afraid. I could be wrong, though, so put some pressure on him, stop supporting him, and let him start standing on his own two feet. Only when he starts taking responsibility for his actions, can you consider a future together.
Best wishes |
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Terence L
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If you guys really are planning to get married, you could just have him file bankruptcy, and just have everything in your name. |
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oldguy
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first of all, you haven't said what he is doing to clear his debt problem. are u doing it for him? that's a mistake. you can help him find debt councilors and help support his actions BUT HE has to contact his debtors and hammer out an agreement. the thing you DO NOT DO is add ur name to his debts. don't get sucked into debt just because u love him. |
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gunslingerjosey
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If bankruptcy is an option, there are organizations out there that can help without the expense of an attorney. Paralegals can do bankruptcy preparation with your assistance and guide you (while not giving legal advice) into handling the process for yourself. |
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Joe C
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Run and do not look back!
This is not the man of your dreams, nightmares maybe, but not dreams.
The leading cause of divorce in the US is money issues.
He is a disaster looking for a place to happen. |
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AM-NM centaur
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I would run away from that relationship. A successful businessperson would never fail to file a tax return unless he/she were on the run. |
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Cherry Joe
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There are some articles on Student Loan Woes, Strategies for Coping with High Levels of Student Loan Debt, How to Get Out of Debt, if you are interest to get further information, you can take a look at http://debt-solution-reduction-relief.blogspot.com |
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