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eBay Power Seller | Hiding money from my wife? |
My wife has severe spending problems. I am in the military, and she is starting her own daycare, but currently doesn't have an income.
A few months ago, I received $28,000.00 from my fathers estate.
The money is all gone, with only $1,000.00 of it invested in a crappy CD.
I paid off every loan except her school loan and her car loan, that was a total of about $21,000.00.
Where the f*ck is the rest of the money? There is about $7,000.00 unacounted for. When I look at the statements, I see hair, nails, peticure and all that crap like every week!
Also buying crap from Target, Walmart, Lowes, ect. We have some stuff, but not $7k worth of stuff to show for it.
I have begun hiding money in an account in another state and telling her we are broke. Now, we have separate accounts. I told her we needed that because of tax purposes.
She's young (20) and not financially savvy. But she won't sit own and have a conversation about this. She says I'm controlling and abusive.
Additional Details
We have 2 infant daughters as well, I have thought about divorce, but I don't want that just because of money. I wish I could just talk some sense into her. She doesn't want me to invest (I have a Roth IRA & TSP) because that cuts our take home income, but I keep saying it's very important.
Trust me, I have tried everything. Even just TALKING in a calm voice, she flips out saying that I'm yelling at her. And I'm not.
Even her mother wonders how I put up with it.
I just want her to start her daycare so she can waste her own money.
My problem is, if we do get divorced, I will have to give her my retirement money that I have put aside that I don't think she would be entitled to.
How the hell do I talk sense into someone like that? |
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You ask, I answer
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and she didn't have this habit before you were married??!!
she needs to have some sense put into her, and divorce will only make you have to pay her child support, etc. plus, if this is her only bad habit, i doubt you want to divorce her for that...
she is 20! what did you expect from a 20 year old? a budget? no. i think that you should have thought better about combining your money. tell her that until she decides to listen to someone about financial planning (not you, but a 3rd party), then you will take care of the bills, and her name will no longer be on the checks, etc. give her and allowance for the kids, and see if she still decides to blow the money.
hon, if she can't run a household, what makes you think she can run a business? i think that you need to do some serious thinking here...she'll run you into the ground. |
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Thin Kaboudit
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You ARE being "controlling and abusive" (sorry!), although that does not make your wife any less dumb & irresponsible!
You probably should go to some kind of financial counselling TOGETHER, since although you are BOTH wrong, at least you are both on different sides of "right", so if you can learn to compromise together, you can be winners!
Becoming "wealthy" is very simply a function of spending less than you earn and investing the difference wisely for your specific circumstances; of course there are rich lawyers, but there are also very rich janitors! If you are both in your 20's, you have plenty of time to sort this out.
(BTW.. Sincere thanks for your service!) |
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Quixotic
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I know a guy who had multi-millions in options from his company that he didn't tell his wife about. He was worried she would spend it - not on herself but on the kids.
I think you are on solid ground hiding it from her. |
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Jen G
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Usually when you see money issues like this, it's a manifestation of bigger issues. I'd recommend the two of you see a marraige counselor.
I'd also like to recommend you take a look at the book Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey. He also has a class available at churches and some military bases called Financial Peace University that the two of you can go through together. It helps you with learning how to talk about money together, make a budget, and get on the right track.
Good luck with everything, and I hope you can save your marriage. |
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minniemoe
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let me tell you i'm 20 also and had to learn about using a budget.i wasn't a spending freak but i did like to do somethings sometimes.this all start when my husband said he wants to have babies.so in order to do that i have to budget so we can have money to start a family.i go get my hair did every 3 mos(i have braids that i love) and i go get my nails done every blue moon.there are things i wanted to do but i got over it because i know my husband wants to save money and so do i.your not controlling your just trying to save your family from struggling and she's not understanding that so keep that separate account.i know you'll save that way and when she wants something tell here if it aint for the house hold or the babies need something i don't have it. |
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rflatshoe
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It seems that she is trying to catch up on acitivies people in their 18-30 get to do before settling down and have kids. That is a huge sign for trouble. I believe couples should live together for 1-2 years before getting married to get used to each others habits.
If you got married young, your pastor or counselor should have included couples financial management.
Suggestion:
Both of you should see a marriage counselor together to get to the root of the problem, and a financial advisor for resolution. For the mean time, cut up those credit cards and use your debit with a 200 or 300 spending limit.
The suggested budget breakdown should be the following (after tax income):
20% IRA/retirement account (10% for her 10% for you)
15% automatic savings account for emergencies (i.e. INGDirect)
50% housing
30% food and utilities
5% entertainment, allowances, extras
Think about it this way,
$20/week - 1 year = $1000+
$50/week - 1 year = $5200 |
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radar
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You control the money ----- give her so much food money to live on and you pay the bills. Also, give her an allowance that she can spend on herself.
Be open with her and explain that you want to get a handle on how much money you both can save for the kids' education and your retirement.
When you explain this to her, tell her about her personal adequate allowance. Tell her it is just a start and can be adjusted upward later when you see how things go.
Take charge ----- save your family.
Help her get the day care started then you spend her money.
If she is not on drugs, be happy. All wives spend too much.
All wives think husbands are cheap. Meet some where in the middle.
She is young and has two children. Try a little tenderness.
My wife spends 10% more than I make. I can't win ----- good luck to you and thanks for your service. |
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kris
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Hopeless man. If she has trouble now then there's no way she'll run a profitable business, you will most likely end up in more debt from the day care.
If she is that unreasonable now then it will only get worse, sounds like she's super SELFISH and using you for all the goodies. Cut your losses and hide the cash you do have with someone you trust. Being active military you may fare better than the average American man in a divorce involving kids.
Good luck man. |
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angel1^[]^1 divine
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yes you can hide your money from your wife by doing that and when you are getting divorce if you don't want her to know about it you can ask someone you really trust to keep the money for you when the divorce is final you can get your money back or you can set up the acct for your children and they won't have the access to the money until they go to college. |
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Cuttie pie
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i think you should hide the money, and have a little more patience, i know this sounds really annoying but you need to explain it to her , and keep a cool head!!!!
by the way....YOU ROCK CUZ UR IN THE MILITARY!!!!! :D |
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