I loaned a close friend a decent sum of money?

he's since hit further debt and also started being a jerk about the fact I have money available and even suggested I get handed too much for free. I earn every dime and it aggravates me to no end, but he's a closer friend then I've ever known, how do I handle this?

There have been 11 answers before I even started composing this and I have no argument with any previous opinions.

I also have a very dear friend who has been my friend since he was still single in 1989, until he got married in 1995 and up to now I still consider him my friend.

He was an envious bachelor at that time. A paid up house and lot, and a steady job. Incidentally, we worked in the same company, and I outranked him by at least six paygrades but I was married then with two kids (now four) and was still saddled with the mortgage.

Then he met a lady, who later became his wife.

I won't say what caused the changes in his life, but needless to say he retired four years ago. Lived off the company pension until last year when he converted his pension into a cash plan.

Again, the "cash" in the cash plan also ran out.

He used to lend me money when he had more savings than I did, so I just couldn't turn him down. However, I paid up every cent i owed him. He paid up three of four loans, without interest, the third at least two months late. The fourth loan is now six month overdue.

He approached me last Wednesday for another loan. I discussed this with my wife and we agreed that she will be the one to front for us. She charged him 1% interest per month because, she said that she will have to withdraw it from her business which is earning her an average of 5% per month. But for friendship's sake she is willing to lend it to him for 1%, which is actually the savings account rate.

He agreed right away. But my wife insisted on a collateral so he grudgingly turned over a copy of the title to his house which has already a partial mortgage on it and he also signed a deed of assignment for the remaining portion of the unmortgaged value.

For friendship's sake, I thought that I might buy out the mortgage to save on the interest and to ensure that we have something to salvage after and if he defaulted. It turned out that the loans he was borrowing from me was to pay for the mortgage. What am I to do?

Incidentally he now has 7 kids; one in college (adopted, son of his wife from a previous marriage) and the rest in lower grades.

Am I to foreclose on the only property my friend ever had? What about the children?

My wife and I agreed that we would take in the college boy-adopted son as an employee in one of our business in order to help work out the loan. We saw potential in the kid and are willing to give him liberal hours in order to continue on with his studies while working (he is a full-time student now).

However, the loan payment is now a matter between my friend and my wife. The son's salary goes to the son. It will now become (he is starting work tomorrow, Monday) a family to family arrangement. Feeling that his son is responsible, he may contribute to the payment of the loan and eventually alleviate the family's financial problem.

So I know where you are coming from. Yours and my friendship seem familiar. But we have to put a limit as to where our friendship obligation should end in order for us to be able to honor our obligation to our family.

Allow me a small suggestion: Involve the wife, a girlfriend if you are single, or common friend if you don't have one, just like I involved my wife. If you own a business or, if employed, know the HR people, get him some stable job.

There's a saying, "It's better to teach someone to fish than to give him fish".

I know. I have tried lending him interest-free loans but it seems to put him in a quagmire. My wife and I will not be helping him if we keep lending him money. We might, God forbid, even lose our friendship if I ran out of money to lend him and even foresake my family.

I hope my experience can help you.

Scold him and write off the money you loaned him, if necessary. If he's a jerk as you, yourself say, why are you messing with him?

Sit down with him and discuss the loan agreement. Express empathy for the situation he might be in at this time. Write out a time line of when he will be making payments back to you and then make copies so both of you have a record of what the payment plan will be. Then if you have to pursue legal matters you at least can show some evidence that you tried to come to some type of agreement. Make sure you both sign the contracts!!

Had the same situation. Never lend friends money. Let them find their own way. You make friends who share similar interests, not friends who want to share your money. It's hard to do, also if he's that much of a loser then you do not need to be around him. There is a reason why rich people only associate with rich people and poor people with poor people, middle class with middle class. If you've passed him up in income its time to make new friends. Like they say, people are in your life for seasons, you will make new friends and meet new people along the way.

Most likely your money is gone. Losers like that hardly ever pay back. Only two thing happen when you lend a friend money.

1. You either get the money back
2. You lose your money & your friend

There is an old and very true saying, to find out who your REAL friends are, just lend them money.
This is no friend, if he were a friend he would care about your situation.
He is an abuser and loser.
End this friendship and learn from it
Good Luck

"If you loaned your brother-in-law $50, and he never speaks to you again, was it worth the investment?"

this was my very first question when i joined yahoo answers.
i lent a friend money and never say that money or that friend again. you now the saying, dont lend what you cant afford to give. follow that rule now. depending on how much you lent you could either ask him for the money or take him to court. you might have to kiss your friendship good bye. as one person told me when i needed advice, like you need now, he'll realize he would have gotten a whole lot more than $, out of you if he had given you back your money and stayed friends with you. in other words the friendship is worth a whole lot more than the money

Present him a contract to sign, like you were the bank.

If he doesn't meet the terms, well, lesson learned.

Ladies and gentlemen pay their debts. The others are called by a VERY wide variety of names, but never "friend."

So sorry for your (potential) loss of both money and your "friend" who wasn't one.

You failed to mention if you got a promissory note from
him, and if he signed it. Seeing how you omitted that,
and since he's your "Friend". I will assume no.

How do you handle it? You don't say how long its been,
but since your upset, I will assume it been some time.

Now, what you have to ask yourself Steve, is this. "What
is more important to me, his friendship, or the money?"
If its his friendship, fine, good friends are indeed hard
to come by, unlike money. However, do not lend him
any more money, and if he asks you why you won't,
just remind him how he treated you.

Many of us here, I can assure you, have been in the same boat.
I can't tell you how many time I loaned money before I
finally wised up. If you want to lose a friend, the surest way
to do it, is to loan them money without some kind of legal
paperwork.

I have to agree with Joe C on this one. Its sad but its a fact of life that everyone goes through this at some time. In this economy there isnt much honor among people. As things get much worse and prices increase people will become more desprate. Never loan money. If you have it and want to help, make it a gift. If you cant afford to loose money you cant afford to loan it. Ive learned this the hard way myself. People always seem to come asking for help and when your kind enough to help they resent the fact that you cared enough to help. Then they try to mak you feel guilty about haveing to be paid back. Its really sad.

i agree with Joe, write the money off. A friend wouldn't treat you that way. There is a reason why i don't have a lot of friends.

I've borrowed money from my xbf, they help me pay important bills, like property taxes, interest free. we set a month and say 50/month to be paid in 1 year, they dont bug me, they ask when, we are still friends. friendships are valueable, thay will be there for you when you need them, say your car breaks down and you need a ride to work, call an expensive cab, or call in a favor.Â Â maybe agree to half of the amount as alump sum to forgive the whole loan, or worse sue them in small claims court, but you'll need it in writing first.

I have had the same thing happen to me if you can't resolve if you can't solve it amicably and he basically refuses to pay you back I'm sorry but you are probably better off to write it off and explain to him that it is not really possible for you to remain friends and that you must move on.

This will either to one of two things:
1. he will feel bad about what he has done and attempt to pay you back even in small amounts.
2. he will also dissolve the friendship and at same time never pay you anyway and from this point you need to move on and find yourself a better friend

Isorry but it needs to be clinical and you need to move on with respect.

Never loan money to a friend. But since you already did and your friend cannot pay you back, let it go and don't do it again. There is no point in losing a friend over money. He's probably just bad with money and jealous of your situation.

Other than saying keep being persistent to the point of annoyance. Sounds like this "close friend" relationship is headed south. A lesson learned; only lend money to people such as your parents, that's it-no exceptions.

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