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:::Rae::: | Let me boyfriend borrow money? Yes or No? |
I love my boyfriend with all my heart and we have lived together for 6 months now. We planned on getting married sometime in the next 2 years but not soon. He is horrible with money and has once already filled for bankrupcy and I want to help I dont know how. He needs to borrow 1000 dollars to get out of debt again and i feel i should help cuz it is my future credit too..do i let him or no? Iam worried if we ever do break up i wont see the money agian and if i dont then my credit is at risk to. |
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alco19357
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Well... I would first ask myself a few questions
1.) What's his job status. Does he work a 8 hr shift at Wal-Mart making 7.15/hr (or whatever your minimum wage may be)? Is he dedicated to working. Does he wake up everyday, dressed for his best to impress... and being attentive at work? Or is he like most Americans... just going to work to please someone? This is vital for his future. Because if he's the latter of the questions.. (and goes to work just to please someone) his future may be wrecked by job loss or he may even quit and stay at home and lounge for his whole life. Now I don't know about you, but I don't think ANYBODY wants to be married to someone like this and carry their burden. This may get him into more of a financial crisis, which is no good doing to you.
2.) Does he make an attempt to stop his buying on credit? Is he beginning to manage his money well, or is he just trying to prolong the new debt that comes up? Filling for bankruptcy once is bad enough... filling twice, that's terrible. I personally think that if he does not make an attempt to manage is money better, you shouldn't marry this guy. Save yourself well you can, or you may end up divorcing him.
3.) Lastly, does he have a plan? If you get married, you'll obviously owe money to whom every you get married through. Most importantly though, does he, or do you guys together have a plan to conquer debt? This last outline coincides with the other two outlines in parallel. If you need to start a family or get married, you need to set priorities and part of this is having a plan to live the rest of your life by. Of course this plan may change for the better or worse, but overall it'll do you good.
Once you have come to conclusions of the three major outlines listed above, it's time to get the crunch on and decide: is he good for you; do you lend him money? Or is he nothing but a parasite to your future and your life?
No one on here can exactly judge your boyfriend, but we can give you a personal suggestion... and in no way should this reflect your decision. I say you dump him. One of the last things you want to do, is being in a financial crisis. Like you said, that $1,000 may never be seen again.
Good Luck |
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Sandy Sandals
 |
You said yourself that he's terrible with money, so why would his debt to you be any different? My philosophy is never to loan money you can't afford to lose. If he can't resolve a $1000 debt in 2 years, he NEVER will. |
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ronald m
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No,take a old fools advice and don't loan money to friends or family.He will not pay you,and chances are he will break up with you. |
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Tim
 |
Don't loan him the money and rethink the whole relationship.
If he has laready filed bankruptcy and he is still having financial problems do you really want to combine your assets with this guy by getting married?
If you are renting a place and are both on the lease, he could leave you stuck with the place and payments by leaving.
He needs some big time credit counseling before you do anything. Then he needs to prove himself worthy. |
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summer breeze
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If you loan him money you can kiss it goodbye forever. People's spending habits seldom change. |
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The Jacquot
 |
He needs to go to a credit counselor.
Don't let this dude touch a cent of your money if he still has those kind of habits. |
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heyteach
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Absolutely not.
If he were going to learn a lesson, a BANKRUPTCY would have taught it to him.
In fact, you should not even CONSIDER marrying him until he is debt free for a minimum of one year.
I hope you're not comingling funds with him now. If so, stop it.
He needs to learn to manage money. There is no way to live without doing that unless you're a trust fund baby.
He has work to do and it's past due.
He needs to read and understand finances. I'd recommend starting with:
Michael J Laurence's
Your Money Rules for Financial Freedom
as well as two of Suze Orman's books:
The Road to Wealth and The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom.
He may need counseling as well as there's no good reason for being in "need" like that.
It won't even matter IF he would repay you or not, this is NOT a case of: he had a good job he'd just started and a drunk driver ran him over in a hit and run when he was crossing the street to get to his car. The medical bills were horrendous and he lost his job and was in rehab for 6 months.
THAT is something that could happen to anyone and is NOT a money problem. What you are describing is a really irresponsible, irrational streak.
Don't enable it. He WILL resent you for having the money to lend and you will eventually resent his needing it. Whenever he BLOWS money as I guarantee he will while he owes you, that will gnaw at you. |
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stan c
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The answer is simple, NO. Once you lend him the money he will become your ex. |
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Hank H
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No, sounds like u need 2 find someone else, tell that loser 2 take a long walk on a short pier |
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CivilLizard
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Getting out of debt with another one? What's the use if you're going to barrow the money as well? Or are you talking about cash that you have? In that case can you get him to write an IOU?
Not possible if he's too sensitive about it, get a friend of yours to do it and give her the money and tell him it's not you but she's insisting.. This way if you don't like what happens in the future, use the IOU to straighten things out.. In most cases, him knowing it is present will encourage him to be good for it. ;-) |
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Vy
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Please don't! I have done this before. A few times actually. I feel it ruined my life(for the time being). |
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jess
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no.. |
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REDSOX FAN
 |
tell that loser to finish school or finish college |
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Teej
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You may be good with money, but if anyone in a relationship isn't good with money, then as a whole you truly aren't good with money. If two people can't agree on money, then the relationship is as good as gone.
My advice to you: don't do it. Since you aren't married yet, it's still considered your money and he could run off with it. I might sound negative, but you need to do what's in the best interest of yourself before you think of others. Sounds like you might be better off without this douche. |
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*charlene~champagne*
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No hunny dont lend him money dont let your heart rule your head as they say, i have been in this situation and got badly burnt and it wasnt a great experience. Your sensible to look forward and look at the positives and negatives but you do what feels right. Good luck and hope you have a great day! :) |
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★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥
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NO - do NOT loan him the money - Yes, it could potentially be your debt in the future-- but, wait "for the future" - he can make monthly payments on whatever debt he has ... if you bail him out - what will happen is... he will get MORE debt -
and,
when you get married-
YOu are in charge of the fiances! |
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acermill
|
The best way to turn a romance sour is to lend money between the two persons involved. Frankly, given what you state about this man, you might be better off to fall OUT of love and find someone considerably more responsible.
Remember the old adage. You can paint over the spots on a leopard, but when the hair grows out, the spots return, and you STILL have a leopard. Take heed. |
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KellyD
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NO! |
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themurph2000
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Ouch, that's a tough one. Money is one of those issues that strains relationships. You are correct that his financial situation will be yours if you get married, but right now you're not married. It's risky giving him the money unless there's no major harm to you in loaning it to him.
If he's putting up for the rent/utilities/etc., offer to pony up a little extra for those for a while in exchange for him straigtening himself out with his finances. Try to make this a positive experience for him. Talk to a finance person for some ideas on how to rein in spending. (plenty of answers on here, I'm sure) The key is to make sure neither of you resent the other while trying to solve this.
Good luck. You're not in an easy situation. |
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dmh7593
 |
I know you must care about him but if he's really in this habit, then your helping him probably won't truly help him in the long run. He probably needs to learn better spending habits.
It may seem harsh but you must NOT lend him this money.
You may even want to consider whether you want to marry someone that has such habits in spending cause believe me it will affect your financial status also.
My husband is a spender and his situation financially was worse than mine so your story sounds much like mine a few years ago.
I now and not in as good shape financially cause I wanted to "help" him. Well, it's not worked out so well for me.
Do yourself a favor and don't get any linked accounts of any kind with him at all. Ever. It may seem harsh but if he really cares and has a good heart then he'll at least understand the reason why you won't do that and understand on some level.
He knows he got himself into it. And with hard work and determination, he Can get himself out. You can help him in many ways without giving him money. In the long run he will see that you are willing to help in other ways rather than with money and he will see that is important and supportive too.
Good luck and stick to your principles. Assure him that even though you don't give him money, it shows in a way you care that he learn from his situation in the best way so it won't happen again. And still you can help in other ways, to contact credit reporting agencies and work things out according to the process of things. |
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AM-NM centaur
 |
The best way to help him is by NOT lending him your money. Let him solve his financial problems on his own. Lending him money only enables his continued bad behavior. |
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coolwoman27
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Sure, let him borrow it but have him sign a paper stating that he borrowed the money and that he promises to pay you back!! |
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Leeanne T
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NEVER combine your finances. You are enabling him
by giving him money that he has no means to pay back.
Helping out once in a while if he's unemployed is a nice gesture - but don't let him get used to it. You're not a SugarMommy. I played that game - he never learned to handle money ever.. Always spent more than he made and counted on "tax refunds",,,, etc. etc. Wishful thinking. If you marry (as we probably will after 5 yrs), KEEP FINANCES SEPARATE. All debts incurred before marriage are HIS. After? They are YOURS combined. DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON YOUR CHECKING/SAVINGS ACCT.... he will access it and spend it where you will have nothing. You must insist that YOU take care of finances. If you don't? Don't marry him. Period. He's proven he can't handle the responsibility. This will benefit both of you and you will maintain some kind of control over YOUR hard earned money BEFORE the marriage.... Some people go thru life depending on other people to bail them out. If you continue to allow it - they will be HAPPY to take from you. Don't do it. |
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just me
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I say no way. I learned the hard way. I had a decent life and my ex slowly moved in with me. Then when I asked him to help with the rent, bills etc.. he got very upset saying how could I ask him for that when he takes me out to dinner, buys me presents etc... now there is your sign!!! Do not have a joint banking account with him if he can not control his money because then he will control yours. I speak from experience. Long story short he ruined my credit, emptied out two bank accounts and tried to get the money out of the one account that I kept in my name only. I'm not saying your b.f. will do this but why take that chance? Good Luck to you. |
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