ilovesubasketball
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That's a tough choice. I wouldn't pay it off. I would work out a system with your boyfriend so he can get himself out of debt faster. You could even seek the advice of a financial counselor (if it's not too expensive this could be your treat to him). I also think that you need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend. If you are going to marry him, his guilt trip needs to end here, other wise, it will be both of your money that you are sinking into this woman. He needs to stop giving into her and not allow her to manipulate him (which it sounds like she is doing). He should pay what he is legally required to to his exwife, but no more (unless there is a really emergency and it is an absolute last choice, like a medical emergency or something). I think he needs to learn how to deal with his financial situation on his own, without your financial assistance, because what if his ex wife pulls the wool over his eyes again and he gets himself into more debt? He needs to know how to get himself out of it, otherwise you will both be in over your heads. |
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mJc
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Just say no. And do NOT get married until his debts are covered. (You are not a bad person for protecting your own hard earned money!!) |
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fu11m3t4l
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My advice would be to wait until your married. In court unless he signs a contract to pay you back, you would just be out 21k if things didn't work out between the two of you. So make sure he is in it for the long haul. Also your not bad for your rationalization for not wanting to do it. |
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WorriedAJ
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Don't get mad at the ex-wife. You chose a man with baggage that already had a ready made family that he walked away from. He has to take care of them financially as if he were still in the household. As far as paying off his debt. That's on you but I wouldn't if I were you. He needs to come up with a plan to get back on his feet. |
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sexytrojan
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That is HIS problem and HE needs to handle it! Tell him to man up! |
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?
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I personally wouldn't do it. That is an awful lot of debt to take care of. Maybe help him with a few bills and then help him find a good debt management program. |
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Jim C
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I wouldnt do it and if he got so mad he didnt want to marry.I would say good riddence! |
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Katherine W
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I lent money to two different guys. Both paid me off right after they came back from the honeymoon. So, I learned my lesson, and won't lend money to men again, but I also know that women will pay off a husband's debt, probably to get rid of the "other woman." If you're going to do it, do it after the marriage, not before. However, you need to come to an agreement about how to deal with his ex, especially since kids are involved. Perhaps it would be best to have three bank accounts, "yours" "mine" and "ours." Part of each of your paychecks goes into "ours" for joint expenses, and he has his money to deal with his ex and kids as he sees fit.
Personally, though, I think you guys should have some money counseling and some marital counseling before you get married, to make sure you're in agreement on things. It will stop a lot of problems down the road, and you won't regret it. |
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Cindy B
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I think that you should postpone the marriage until his has paid off his debts. Otherwise, you will never hear the end of his sob stories. When the ex-wife sobs, you will pay for it!! |
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bajllc
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Don't pay one penny. If you have to buy your husband, purchase one without all of that baggage that will more than likely outlast your marriage. |
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SLIM
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you dont sound like B**** at all.. i would say dont give him the money.. so she can cruises..F her |
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Bearded Rusty Tater ©
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Sexy Trojan is right... if he was a man, he wouldn't bring you into his financial mess.... let him handle it... it's his problem, not yet yours... This is probably a bad sign, I would move on if he is demanding or insisting that you help him... a man who can't take care of his own problems is not a man in my book ! |
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Yogi Master
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Has good ss ex clouded your judgement??? the answer is no incase you still need help. And thats coming from a man, thats his problem and that twirp should'nt even be bothering you with it. I'll beat him up for you if you would like. |
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traderb550
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That is a huge debt. I would have a serious talk with him.
Come up with a game plan (together) of how to pay off this debt.
I can be done, I did it 5 yrs ago.! |
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ghwin
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You do not sound like a b-tch to me. You sound like a very level-headed and intelligent person. Don't spoil that reputation by paying off his debt. You are doing more than enough for him by still loving him while he continues to make bad choices. How much more are you going to take? |
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peterboro_first
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Why should you do it? It's his debt. The both of you aren't married yet. |
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nelson_devon
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I don't think you are a bad person. It is wonderful that you even asked the question--I would say it would be crazy to pay off his debt, and based on that he asked you I would be a little hesitant to get married (ever) and certainly not until the debt is paid off. |
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k a
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WHAT????!!!!
Listen, money is and always be a touchy and sensitive area in most relationships, however, in order to protect yourself and show your bf (future husband) that you have a backbone and not just have his back (sorta speak), some ground rules must be set and boundaries drawn....otherwise you'll be run over and poor, (both financially and emotionally) Talk to your man and tell him where you stand! And under no circumstances do you pay this debt...this was accrued before your union. If he chooses to pay it then explain to him how |
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chazzer
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Personally, I haven't ever been with a woman that would help me out that much, although I wouldn't ask for something like this in the first place. If anything I have been the poor sap that has takin care of women and then they leave me....so I would say hell no...
And you are not a bad person for thinking this way... |
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scubastieb@yahoo.com
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ur getting married and you have not asked him how he plans on paying off this debt...? what else have u not asked or now abou him... Do not pay it off and i would nt get married until he starts paying off his debt... maybe he knows u have $$ and that is why he is marring you.... he marries u and his debt is half payed off or totally paid off if u do it... great investment on his part.... |
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shenitra s
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Sweetheart if this man loved u he would handle that situation himself, because remember this was all done before you came along.If you clear his debt now what will happen if you don't get married or years down the line something happens and you need to bail him or her out for that matter again which YOU will be doing you will be left out and mad at yourself for doing so. As I leave u with this if he LOVES YOU he will truely understand!!!!!!!! |
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now_123_or_never
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If you really love him and have the money, pay off his debt,,, |
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