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Tomas Mora | Should I expect my wife to help with bills if she starts to work? |
My stay at home wife and mother of our two sons has informed me she wants to look for a part time job so that she help me with the things I usually pay for related to her personal care, clothing, etc. Is she really helping me if all of the money is being spent on her? I told her I would have been more content if she had stated that half the money earned would go towards paying some of the utility bills and the rest she could spend it on what ever she wanted. I don’t think her reason to work is the correct one since we have over $15,000 dollars in unsecured credit card debt accumulated by me wanting to satisfy her every need. I know I’m to blame for letting this happen for too long. I'm I overreacting or is she right to do whatever she wants with her money while I continue to be the only one responsible for paying our two mortgages, credit cards, car insurance, grocery bills, gas, utilities, etc, etc, etc. |
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Ananias's Wifey
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Do you even really need an answer to this?!? She needs to help out with the BILLS! You are to blame for letting her get away with it. You have created a monster and now you need to tame it. |
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Debt Slayer
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Instead of arguing about money, try sitting down with a personal finance expert. That way, the money advice comes from a neutral, 3rd party. It looks like you guys need to agree on a budget and work together on paying off the credit card debt. Try Dave Ramsey's website for a referral. |
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Baker
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She sounds a little selfish and spoiled. If she goes to work, the most sensible thing to do with her salary is to start paying down that debt. Yes, you have let her get away with it, but it's time to stop. A little tough love is in order. You can do it. Be strong. Getting out of debt is so much more important than her buying new clothes. |
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Seminary Man
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I think you need a good heart-to-heart talk with your wife as to the duties the money plays.
If she wants to work...then she should work. However, ALL money should go towards debt before pleasure. As long as everyone understands that...then one can be happy.
The issue you have though...is that it sounds like you have done this to yourself. As a couple...you should have had the financial discussion when you were engaged. However, it's not to late to fix.
Tread this carefully though. Finances are the number one cause of divorce...which is not what anyone wants.
Good Luck. Remember...there is no "mine" in a marriage...everything is "ours" (money, debt, etc). |
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ronnn♥
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Yes, shes your wife and shes living under the same roof as you! She has to learn to give her part in paying the bills! |
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AnnaBelle
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Technically, "yes," her new income would be helping even if all it did was pay for her clothes, etc., if (a) she didn't spend more than she does right now on those items, and (b) if your income then goes to utilities, etc. If the cost of child care during the time your wife is working is less than what your wife earns (which could be unlikely - making this a moot point), then it is probably worth it for her to take a part time job. it will be more money for you two to collectively pay down your debt, it will help her understand the finances (does she really need a grande mocha every day?), and it will help her self-esteem as she contributes to running the household. It sounds like you guys might benefit from some more balance in the financial relationship. And the part time job will help her get a different job, once your kids are old enough to be more self-sufficient.
Bottom line - if you guys approach it as a team, you will both win. If it's "my" money - in either of your opinions - this is not a good situation. :)
p.s. good for you, for getting a handle on the unsecured debt! |
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Doctor Deth
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take away the credit cards - and take 2/3 of her take-home pay from the job(s) to pay off the credit card debt |
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Yeah You Sea Me
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yes you should. |
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Himitsu H
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Ummm sorry but.... This is a typical woman cliché....
You really need to tell her to stop wasting so much money, for the sake of her kids if not for yours or hers.
It is good that she wants to seek a part time job, but she should really do it to support the family.
You should tell her of your situation.
You seem to love your wife very much, but she should know about all the bills.
Maybe she'll change her midn then. |
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Nicole Michele.
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I believe that when you get married, you're locked into a form of partnership - this meaning that you are both responsible for taking care of the bills. Your wife needs to help you. You both should be taking care of these matters equally. She shouldn't be keeping everything for herself, especially if you're in debt.
Just my opinion. |
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MS. D
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i think you should. well is a couple a family so both should contribute |
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Feeling Mutual
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You can expect in one hand and spit in the other, see which one gets wet first.
Ask her very nice, make an agreement with her, and abide by it. |
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patrick a
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Yes,Yes! |
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Tammy
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I think you are perfectly entitled to ask her to help towards the bills. She may have been working at home looking after you and the children etc., but you supported her. She is being selfish if she expects to keep all her wages to herself, you are in a partnership, share and share alike! She may think she is doing her bit by relieving you of the expense of her clothing and personal items, but that is not right. You need to sit her down and have a talk with her. Try not to let the discussion get over-heated. It might be a good idea to have a list of all the expenses you have to pay so that she can see in black and white the huge responsibility you carry. Hope you can work this out. |
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Iloveshane
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well i believe since your married your money is her money and her money is your money...you both need to come up with a plan to pay off your debt you each should get equal spending cash for personal uses and the rest of both of your incomes should go towards bills etc...she does take care of your two sons that is a job itself...its not like shes a roommate right..sounds lke you guy need a spending budget put into place...pull all your money together and only spend your set amount for the month on personal uses... |
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Ms. Blondie
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If she does get a job then YES she needs to help with the bills! she helped make them so she needs to help pay for them!! and you shouldnt need to satisfy her every need, if thats the case then she needs to learn to go with out sometimes and not get what she wants all the time! she could at least help out with the utilities, grocerys and maybe the car insurance and if she does that she is still getting what she needs right? like food, light and a car to drive...well thats how I see it...Goodluck! |
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