Autumn
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NO. Don't do it! The statement "He wants us to put the debt into our mortgage so his payments will be less." is telling, indeed. HIS payments will be less, but your mortgage payment will increase. So what's the benefit? And if he skips out on you, or failsl to contribute to the mortgage, you're stuck paying it all by yourself, or risk losing your home.
As for his debt being your debt, too, since you're about to be married.........Wrong! It's his debt, his debt, his debt, since he incurred it prior to being married to you. You are under no legal obligation to pay HIS debts.
I learned a long time ago that most people that are financially irresponsible don't change their spending habits over time. My advice: Make sure He pays HIS debt down substantially before marrying him. |
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Lydia
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His debt will become your debt when the two of you get married.
I wouldn't marry, or even be engaged to, a man with money problems like this. Once you are rescuing him, unfortunately it often becomes a pattern, and you will just become more and more resentful. It speaks to his poor character, but if he were really working hard to fix things and is demonstrating better judgement towards spending now - he doesn't have to be a write-off as a future spouse. I'd just be leary of getting married now. He should WANT to prove to you he can be a man, and fix things.
How in the world would the two of you pay for your wedding, then? Will you shoulder all the cost yourself, or just go into more debt?
I think you need to stop.... and think maturely about this more. It's a big red flag. |
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bcurious81
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My answer.... Hell No! I have a boyfriend who put himself into debt and is still in some and I refuse to help him pay for a dime of it. The way I see it, I didn't cause it so why should I be made to suffer for his mistakes? I have a school loan, car payment, and mortgage that I pay all on my own including my other bills. If I can handle all that, why can't he as well? People who are frivolously with money bother me because that means they have no self-control and can't make good sound financial judgments. You can only care to a certain point before you are just encouraging the wrong types of behaviors. |
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cmcconnachie2000
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Do not take on his debt. It will be a bad move.
Tell him to see a debt consolidation specialist, or citizens advice. They can help reduce his debt substantially. |
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Ms Jackson
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No do not take on his debt. Also, if you havent set a date yet, I would hold off on marrying him until he has paid of his debt, because he is right once you are married his debt becomes yours. You can be supportive by planning romantic (free) evenings at home and finding inexpensive things to do instead of spending money.
Good Luck |
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Robin
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It's HIS debt honey, NOTHING to do with you. Let HIM pay it off. |
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Zoe
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God no! Don't get yourself in debt woman. Make him go to the citzens advice bureau or somewhere to get help.
This isn't your problem and its not worth risking you both becoming bankrupt! You didn't spend that money, he did. Stay well clear! |
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Social Science Lady
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No. He had the `benefits` from this debt so don`t you take the `dregs`. It could lead you on the path to seperation. He must pay this off himself. |
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amsterdam
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I agree with all the others, and I'm sorry to say it. The man is no good with money, and is looking to you to subsidise him. If he is wonderful in other respects, and if he will agree to let you take charge of your joint finances, they maybe continue with the relationship.
But if he is dictating how you should subsidise him, walk away love. |
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ann
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Why should you pay for his mistakes? He should get a second job and pay it off. He is giving you a few red flags in his response, please think about them. |
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ajpshares
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Dont marry him |
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leambi
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You should really think hard about taking responsibility for someone elses debts, they are easy to take on but not that easy to get rid of. |
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Steve
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This may sound harsh, but I think that you should not take on his debt. It can be paid off in 2 or 3 years.
The question that you should be asking him is what is he going to do with the extra money. If the answer isn't paying down the debt that we have, then he is just going to waste the money and compund the problem. |
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des
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just becareful |
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NickN
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Clear up the debt before marriage or you will regreat it. Marriage is a hard enough time and finance is the ruin of many a relationship.
BE CAREFUL
Good Luck |
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jason c
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Don't put the debt onto the mortgage, its may lower the payments but over the term of the agreement you will spend loads more.
If he is finding it difficult to make the payments my advice would be to get him down to the local CAB and discuss entering an arrangement with the people he owes the money to. They will be more interested in getting a smaller regular payment that getting no payment.
Ja. |
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Daisyhill
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You really need to speak to a financial advisor...don't do anything about it till' you have proffesional advice...they may help you reduce monthly payments... |
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Bluebird
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Be careful, Once you marry and some reason he had that lot debts then you should have helped him to pay off. Now you are not married and he already had that load? No do not pay anything else. |
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Les
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There was a good item on the Jeremy Vine show a few weeks ago about loans between relatives and friends. Even when contracts had been drawn up they were rarely repaid and often ended up in with the people falling out big time.
Whatever you do, take financial advise from a regulated body or you could end up paying loads more in interest.
Personally I would worry about someone who used the 'whats mine is mine unless it's a debt' approach to life. |
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tim h
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Be very carefull. He may not think he is really scamming you but the reality could be very different. |
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juology
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techically you are not liable for his debt if you are married.
the consequences for putting this onto your mortage are that you have bigger repayments to make. What would be the monthly increase? It could be a good idea to increase your mortgage to include the £19k loan you have too - check out the interest rate - it could reduce your monthly bill. Just make sure you can afford to make the repayments.
sounds like he's being pushy, which would put me off.
are you getting the mortgage in joint names? I would make sure you have your name on the deeds.
he should be working and paying a regular income to the mortgage/ loan |
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foxeypup1
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no no no he should pay off his own debt if you had a large debt would he help you out.
o and you should not be getting married till you have sorted out the debt problem how can you even afford to get married will you be going into more debt to do this |
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HaRRo
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If hes badly in debt he needs help, i know just the right place.
Fill out this short form and someone will contact you and willing to help any of your needs.
http://tinyurl.com/2b76b8
They help millions of people every year and are a very credible company.
They sure will help you out, and theres nothing more stressful than being in debt.
Hope this helps you if not someone else.
Good Luck |
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MK
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NO.
Never take it. That is his problem.
I see Suzie Ormon show. And she says that.
You could however legally loan him some money.
Keep it legal.
Do not be afraid to stand up to him. And let him not blackmail you into it.
Google "Suzie Ormon " . You may learn something.
And, a woman's instinct is always correct. |
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steffi
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No way! My husband is a money-fritterer. We have been married 37 years, and have never had any joint accounts. I wouldn't be that daft. Sure your fiance will try the emotional blackmail. If you give in, you'll regret it. You will be forever bailing him out, and be an enabler. He will continue his own money wasting way if he isn't made accountable. |
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sporregar
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I'd reconsider marrying the guy. His debt is not your debt if it was contracted pre-marriage unless you signed on the line too. He doesn't sound like a very good fiscal manager and could wind up getting you both into money troubles.
At least go to marriage counselling and get on the same page with how you're going to manange your money after you're married.
If he has little left after paying his bills then perhaps he needs to get a 2nd job to bring in more money. If he has that little money then how are you going to pay for the wedding? Does he expect you or your parents to pony up the cash?
I'd tell him to be a man and pay what he owes and stop trying to pass it off onto you. Not good to add it to your mortgage either. Do you want to potentially lose your home over his stupidity from before? |
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ANNE J
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My bf and I are in a similar position and he cares enough to make sure that I won't be liable for his (divorce) debt.
Your fiance's debts are not your problem but perhaps you could pay more towards the general outgoings - you don't say whether you are. Don't take on the 'mummy' role, though. |
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crispy
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pah sounds like you love money more than him |
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