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Shauhnathan | Should my new husband help me pay off my credit cards? |
My husband and I got married 3 months ago. We are taking a finance class at church, and the plan goes through 7 steps to financial freedom. The 7th being having your home paid off and being debt free. My husband has the first 2 steps done, which are saving 3 mos. living expenses and having credit cards paid off. My credit cards are not paid off, and they total around 10,000. He wants to keep saving money, but I think before we save more, he should help me pay off my credit cards to accomplish that step together. He feels that since I accumulated the debt before I married him, I should pay them off myself. I hold the theory, what's your is mine and what's mine is yours. He has a hard time with that one. Opinions? |
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Steve
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He dousnt seem to be willing to use his own money to do that. BUT have you thought of asking him to loan you the money to pay the debt off. That way you are not paying interests on the cards and he will get his money back. Just write up a contract with him. That way you HAVE to pay him back and he has proof. |
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Mawia
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Congratulations on taking the course together - and from the church.
He has done well to save up for 3 months of your living expenses. Get busy on paying off those cards yourself and when you have them all paid off, you will be able to shout 'Hallelujah!!' and get on with your life. |
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Red
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Would you want to pay off his credit cards?
And frankly, I agree with him, you got that debt, you spent the money. It's not like it went towards the both of you, he shouldn't have to pay for YOUR spending. |
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Silverbullet
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It would make short term financial sense for him to help..... you're paying a ton of interest on that balance.
Long term however, I agree with him. Paying for your past irresponsibility may help teach you to curb your spending. Bailing you out is like giving alcohol to a drunk or money to a gambler. If he does it, he's setting both of you up for continuing problems. |
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Michael R
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Pay off your own debts. |
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DebtFree
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10K in credit cards, i'd say you have been totally out of control with spending. Why should he have to pay for your past mistakes?
Legally if he name is not on the cards its not his debt, but... since you are married now, it's OUR money, and OUR debt... together, and you should be doing your finances TOGETHER.
Did he know about the debt before you married?
Btw, the number one reason people get divorced? Debt and money fights... you are married. it is no longer his debt and your debt, his money and your money... it's OUR money and OUR debt now....
you need to stop using credit cards... you obviously are out of control and do not know how to handle them. (not being mean, just honest :) |
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Jus
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You used the cards so you pay |
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Sunny ♥
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You racked up those bills YOU pay them. Just because he married you does not make him responsible for paying your credit card bills. |
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what?
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if he wanted to hold this line, he should have made you pay off the debt before you were married.
now, it's too late for him to say this. it is in both of your best interests that the debt is paid off as soon as possible.
but you need to learn how to handle money responsibly. the list of legitimate reasons to accrue credit card debt is incredibly short (severe illness or misfortune). if you continue to accrue debt, it will be you who is not fulfilling your duties to your spouse. |
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Goonhilda
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You should be responsible for the debt you brought to the marriage. Just because you are now married does not mean that you are suddenly absolved of your responsibility to repay your own debts.
My fiance and I only share the mortgage. All our other finances are completely separate. We are each responsible for our own spending.
Your husband is right. It is not his place to repay your debts that you accumulated prior to marrying him. He is not responsible for them, you are. Your responsibility as his wife is to take care of your own finances. If you were unable to pay because you'd lost your job or were injured and could not work, it would be different. That would be sharing the responsibility. But if you rack up that debt, you need to pay it back. Having him repay your debt when you are capable of doing it yourself is not fair. It is not sharing, because you are avoiding your burden, and he has to get lumped with it.
Just pay your own debts. They are pre-marriage debts, so they are your responsibility, not your husbands. |
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S
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I do think that you should pay them off yourself. now i only say that becuase seeing as how you got married such a short time ago he obviously hasnt enjoyed the benefits of these credit card bills. How was he able to pay his debt and you werent? if you were him how would you feel...he paid his debts by himself i am assuming you should do the same..after the credit debit is paid off then your theory is absolutely correct |
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kenbess67
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In an ideal world, he she help you pay them off. I would continue to discuss this issue with him. He needs to understand that two become one when they get married. Being on the same page is critical to marriage success. Neither of you will get far by shoving opinions on each other. You may need to let him know how not helping you or partnering with you hurts you in the marriage. Maybe makes you feel unequal or unvalued. When he chose you as he wife he made a vow for richer or poorer. By not helping you unload the debt, he's being selfish and keeping his vow. One question, did he know about the debt before he married you? If you sprung this on him after the fact he would have the right to be offended. If he doesn't change, seek counseling. Ask him to go with you. Is he refuses, go alone to work on the issue. It's such a great thing for you to be in a great program like this in regards to your finances. My hope is that with time he'll see the importance of an "us" outlook vs. "me" outlook.
It might help to admit to him that it is your debt and you did create it. At the same time, all of us make mistakes and need to learn from them. His decision to leave you with this alone can be a serious point of contention. By all means seek help from outside sources if this cannot be resolved between the two of you.
Good Luck! |
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Ursugardaddy
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Accomplish the steps of Will Power & Self Control because if you do not then no matter what is said, you will be right back in this situation anyway Good Luck |
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Sal
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My opinion is that you should have resolved this before you got married. If he wasn't intending on paying off your credit cards before the class, why do you think he will now? If it was me, I would help, but I don't think there is a right and wrong answer for this. |
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golferwhoworks
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when you married you became 1 and yes in order to achieve financial freedom both mus work on these cards. It is insane to say that the two of you will be debt free till these are paid off |
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