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Bookie | Should we loan money to my mother-in-law? |
Let me start off by saying that I love my mother in law and she is a wonderful and good person. She does have a history of making poor financial decisions. She filed for bankrupcy last year, but has a full time regular job. She obviously cannot qualify for any kind of financing on anything. She recently came to my husband and asked if we would be willing to spot her $1500 for some new living room furniture. I immediately felt that it wasn't a good idea, but my husband feels like it's something that family does for each other. I guess I would feel more likely to help her out, but living room furniture is different than helping out with bills (don't feel like it's essential). She did ask her sister first (who can't), and won't ask her brother or father because she has already done this in the past with them, and feels as though she can't. I know the rule of not loaning what you aren't willing to give...and feel very uncomfortable just giving her $1500. My husband and I disagree about this, and it has now festered as an issue between us. Imagine what it will do to us if she can't pay us back? Am I being selfish or crazy? Is my husband right? Or am I the only one that's thinking clearly? Need some advice!!! |
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Alex T
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Did she pay her brother/father back after getting the loan? If she still hasn't I would not risk it.
Furniture is NOT a necessity, someone who recently filed for bankruptcy should not have something as frivolous as furniture on their minds.
Try sitting your husband down, and telling him that you understand that he wants to help out family, but sometimes the best help you can give is say no. Don't be afraid to bring up the past. |
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Rick B
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I would not loan someone who just went through bankruptcy money to buy furniture. Did she learn nothing? Tell her to save up for a few months and pay cash. Or better yet, save that money for a rainy day.
Furniture is a want not a need Broke people should not be buying wants right now
I would not do it |
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G.V.
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My feeling is that she should be borrowing only for necessities. Living room furniture seems like a want rather than a need.
Sorry, I vote no, especially considering her track record.
Maybe as a birthday gift or a Christmas gift you could team up with family members and buy her a piece of furniture. |
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Jeanie
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If you help someone get into debt over their head you are doing them no favor. I have helped many people but refuse to give more than they can successfully pay back. To do so would put you in the same group as the bankers who loaned money to people who they know could not repay and put the US in the shape it is in today. Many people are now homeless because they said yes when they should have said no.
You Mom-in-law want go to family members who have helped her in the past. Is it because she didn't repay them? You can't help her learn to be self-sufficient if you enable her by giving her money that she will be unable to repay.
She can put off new furniture until she can afford it. |
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newly preg
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As sweet as she may be, the woman isn't right. She just went bankrupt and feels that now is a perfect time for NEW living room furniture???? Does she not watch the news and see what is going on with the economy? Don't do it! If she needed you to spot her plane fare for someone's funeral, that be one thing, but new furniture? If you have money to burn that would be one thing. If, however, you are like most folks and just trying to get by, tell her you are unable and have some unforseen expenses of your own. You are not crazy and absolutely right to be apprehensive about lending her money. |
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latj
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I agree with you on this one. You are not being selfish. Furniture is not like an electric bill or water bill or an "essential". It's a want, not a need. It is something she needs to "save" for, not "borrow" for. If she really wants new furniture then she truly needs to learn better "saving" habits so she can get it. You cannot become the family "ATM" machine. Trust me, my Husband and I started this with one relative and then you have to do it with another and another and another. It's like a faucet you cannot shut off.
If it's not an "essential" I'd say "no'. You probably work hard for your money and so does your wife. Enjoy what you have and let others enjoy what they have. Gift at the appropriate times, otherwise "lending" that turns into "gifting" becomes a fight. Good luck.
Peace & Love :) |
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Wayne Z
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Never borrow money to a friend or relative that you wouldn't be willing to give them.
What she is really asking is: "Will you give me $1500 for new furniture". If your answer would be "No" to a gift, it should be "No" to a loan as you probably won't see this money ever again. You will get plenty of excuses as to why she can't pay you back "right now" but you will never get the money.
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eskimooinc.com
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I think its time for a bit of tough love - she needs to learn from her past mistakes, and if you drop her $1500 to buy furniture, its not helping her. Its just sending her back down the same road again.
Why not ask what sort of repayments schedule she would be thinking of IF you were to make her the loan? Then tell her to make those payments into a savings account, and take her down to goodwill or wherever and pick up some cheap cheap cheap furniture to tide her over. She could even ask for some on your local freecycle site. Then she waits until she has a large enough sum in the savings account to buy the furniture she wants. And if she can't commit to saving for it, then you can be pretty sure she wouldn't commit to paying you back!
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Rick T
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It sounds to me that you are thinking clearly. However, Can you afford not to loan it to her or should I say give to her. You know her payment history sucks so the chances you get anything back is slim to none. But your husband wants to do this for his mother, so your relationship w/ him is on the line. Be proud to be able to gift something like that to her. As a matter of fact you should tell her that this is her present for the next 40 yrs for her birthday. Come on SPEND AMERICA SPEND. |
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Proud Mom of Rescued Rabbits
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I understand your feelings yet I do understand your Husband as well. I would however have to agree with you. Its not that she filed for bankrupt ,but it's the fact that its for furniture. Obviously she filed because she had no way out. It's really hard to make financial decisions that wont bite you in the butt later down the road. If she needed the money to get herself back on her feet or help pay down some bills or debt then yes I would say hell give her the money if you can afford to just to help her out if its that bad. Yet she is asking for furniture money? Hmm, is the furniture that run down where she needs new items? Maybe the whole family can help out with this and make it a gift.
You are the wife and sometimes we have to hold our tongue on things. Let your husband do what he want and if she does fail to pay you back then lets all hope he will learn a lesson.
I wish you luck on this matter and hope you and your husband can come to an agreement. The only other thing I can suggest to you is a promissory note signed by her and ya'll |
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cee bees
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no, it sounds selfish of her, I live debt free, but even in these days-with the economy-people need to wake up and tighten the belt. If you guys can afford it without messing up ya'lls budget and you both agree-then go for it. But nothing is wrong with being firm and saying-we can't do that for you but let me show you how you could save this money in xx amount of time. If she wants it bad enough-she could have a yard sale or save money over time-then she would appreciate it.
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